I’ll Keep Working

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Most of my work is invisible,
and the fruits are so sweet,
but only I can taste them.
I want to share this work,
these experiences,
but words fail me.
They tell me to get a real job.
I have a real job…
two of them, in fact:
I am a mother
and I am a yoga teacher.
I work and work,
mothering and teaching yoga
but somehow the numbers don’t line up.
Then I wonder about the unseen world.
Could it be that the work I’ve done there
will at some point be made visible here?
All I know is that I must keep doing this work.
I pray for the strength and the faith to keep going
when I’m not sure how I’ll make it through the month.
I’m tired. I’m lonely. I want connection. I want closeness.
I’ll keep working,
and maybe the path will be made clear.

I Can Do That

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I want to trust you, God.
You can.
But how do I trust you? I’m scared.
I can’t see you, and I’m so down
I don’t even know if you’re real.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Repeat after me:
All is well.
Seriously? Is that all?
Can you trust that you will have air to breathe?
Yes.
Can you trust that you will have water to drink?
Yes.
Can you trust that you will have food to eat?
Yes.
Can you trust that you will have a roof over your head?
Yes.
Then you are doing just fine.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Repeat after me:
All is well.
Yes. I can do that.
Thank you.

How To Avoid Suicide

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It feels too hard,
and I don’t want to try any more.
I want to quit, to give up,
to run away,
shut the world out,
shut down,
close my eyes
and never wake up.
********
Breathe.
BREATHE.
BREATHE NOW.
********
Call a friend.
Let them listen.
Cry.
Cry more.
Cry even more.
Thank your friend for listening.
Let your friend pray for you.
Cry while she prays.
Cry when she stops praying.
Thank your friend for her prayers.
*********
Now. Make lunch.
A picnic lunch.
Pack it up.
*********
Now take your kids and go outside.
Meet up with a young woman
who has gone through similar struggles.
Listen.
Hear her.
Listen more.
See that you struggled
so that you could understand her,
see her,
help her.
HELP HER.
*********
Get out of your head
and into your heart.
Think about someone else.
Realize your struggles weren’t in vain,
because you can help someone
move through theirs
with more grace and ease.
**********
Drive back home.
Take a shower.
Make dinner.
Read your kids a bedtime story.
Write in your gratitude journal.
Go to bed.
There, you did it.
You made it through another day.
**********
NOW,
REST.

Good Enough

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At the end of the day,
if I can say I did my best,
well then, this must be good enough.
Sure, my credit cards are maxed,
there’s next to nothing in my checking account,
and I keep asking my mom for grocery money.
But there is a roof over my head,
my children are clean, fed and in bed,
and I’m breathing.
Yes. This.
This is good enough.

A Huge Success

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I taught a meditation workshop today
and only three people showed up.
From a profit-driven business standpoint,
it was a miserable flop,
not worth the time invested.
Luckily, I have access to other standpoints.
So when a young woman approached me
after the workshop, crying,
sharing that she remembered her deceased father
during our lovingkindness meditation,
when she appeared bewildered by her emotions
(even apologized for them),
and when I was able to praise her for her courage
and share with her that it was an honor and a privilege
to bear witness to her process—
I knew something bigger was at play here.
Today wasn’t about me turning a profit,
it was about me touching a life.
It wasn’t about material abundance,
it was about human connection.
It wasn’t about my personal glory,
it was about beholding the radiance
of a sweet soul coming home
after a long time away.

From this standpoint,
my workshop was a huge success,
and I am proud of the work that was done.

No Reason For Fear

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I work on the level of my mind
because this is where my experience
begins and ends.
I leave the old behind
and embrace a new promise
of hope, fulfillment, and change.
I can see now that the power rests
within me, always and forever.
There is no reason for fear,
because I cannot fail—
only learn, grow, and become
better than I’ve ever been before.