Easy As Breathing

Standard

I want to trust.
I want to have faith.
How do I do it?
I keep trying so hard,
but I end up scared,
feeling alone,
confused,
frustrated,
blocked.
This moment is a new start.
Can you breathe?
Yes.
Ok, so breathe.
Now trust
that as you exhale,
there will be more air
on the other side
of your emptiness.
That’s faith.
Faith is as easy as breathing.

Everything Will Work Out

Standard

Just get through today,
my recovery friends tell me.
Just get through the next hour,
the next minute.
I ask myself what got me here,
wondering how I’ll make it through
one more minute.
It’s a soul contract,
my spiritual buddies tell me.
You accomplished
everything you were meant to
and now the relationship
has run its course.
You can let go now.
But how?
He’s gone,
and all I feel is the pain.
When did the pain start?
Surely before I married him.
I must’ve brought it with me
into the marriage,
and somehow, together,
we activated it
so that I could learn.
Can I thank him
for giving me a chance
to see and work through
my old pain?
Can I have faith
that Divine Love
brought me here
but won’t abandon me here?
Can I trust
that everything will work out?

Will It Help?

Standard

I return home to an empty house.
I’m reminded of what I once had,
what is gone now.
They tell me You’ll get better,
You’ll get stronger.
They tell me
This is the best thing
that could’ve happened to you.
But what do they know?
Slogging it out,
one day at a time,
one year at a time,
recovering from
the devastation,
on most days
I feel too tired to be grateful,
and yet I keep pushing through.
I write in my gratitude journal:
I woke up today.
I meditated.
My sitter was able to come.
I was able to pay for lunch today.
They tell me my gratitude
will open up the gateway to abundance.
But will it help me to live
when I have no money left in my bank account?

Sadness Wins

Standard

Lost. Alone.
Caught in a story.
Rock bottom.
Struggling.
Afraid.
Hungry.
Exhausted.
I tried for a year to believe.
A year came and went
and I’m still struggling.
How do I keep believing
in a chance for better days?
I always want to find resolve
with my words.
I always want to end these poems
on some kind of inspiring note,
some kind of opening into greater things.
Tonight, I don’t have it in me.
Tonight, the sadness wins.

Nothing But Trust

Standard

I was up late last night praying.
I keep thinking about sleeping
but the Divine Mother’s beauty
enticed me
to think about staying.
I kept asking for a sign,
as I was led into spirals
of thoughts and words
showing me where to look,
on which page and in which book,
to see and feel and know
what to resolve,
what to consider,
what to ponder,
what to surrender,
and how to just to BE in this life
as it is right now.
I woke up at my regular time,
sat in morning meditation.
I could feel her magic
working through me still.
Now I find myself
awake in the dark again,
wondering
what she will do with me tonight.
There is nothing left for me to do
but trust.