Every day we are presented myriad choices, from the first moment of the day until the last. Awareness of our choices empowers us. Deeply attuned to our core values we make choices that align us with our vision. The past brought me here, but where I go depends entirely on who I choose to be. I chose to make this short and sweet. I’m tired because I chose to work this weekend. I choose to work hard because I’m happy to provide a good life for myself and my kids. I choose to breathe now, and practice gratitude for what I’ve been given, and for making the choice to receive it.
Spirit: Time to get up and meditate. Mind: Nope. I wanna sleep in. Spirit: Time to get up and meditate. Mind (whining): But I wanna just be comfyyyyyyy. Spirit: Get up and meditate. Now. Body (silently) gets up, gets dressed, goes downstairs and meditates. Takeaway: Spirit always wins, thanks to discipline.
You’ve come a long way baby! You were scared to live without him and then he left. You thought you were going to die, but you didn’t. You were terrified you wouldn’t find a new home, and then you did. You weren’t sure you could make ends meet, but you have, month after month after month. Just look at you go, sweetheart! See how it all works out? From my perspective, you’re a superhero. And…I LOVE YOU.
When he left I tried to forgive him. I wanted to forgive him and I wanted to forgive the other woman. But as much as I tried, it wasn’t working. I was still angry, lonely, grieving. I was still terrified, feeling betrayed, victimized. Then I realized I didn’t need to work on forgiving them, I needed to work on forgiving myself. I am training myself to understand that I’m worthy of love even if I’m not perfect. I’m working on forgiving myself for tolerating the way I was treated in my marriage. I’m working on forgiving myself for being human. With the focus back on me I can actually feel my body/spirit/mind/heart/self as it heals. I’m finally getting to know the woman I am, and I’m discovering that I love her.
We might feel haunted but what needs to get done. We might feel driven to achieve success, and we might believe that we’ll be happy once we do. I am one of those people. I am also fortunate to have teachers, mentors, guides and wise ones show me a different way. When I feel haunted by the to do list, I can pause. When I think I need to be more successful, I can pause. The household chores don’t all have to get done at once. I don’t need to achieve overnight success. I don’t have to prove myself to the world. I can pause to enjoy where I am and who I am right now. What a relief!
When he decided our marriage was over, I didn’t know how to let go. When he collected his family, colleagues, clients and friends and drew a line in the sand, I didn’t know how to let go. When he began seeing another woman and spending nights out, I didn’t know how to let go. When he introduced our children to the other woman, I didn’t know how to let go. When our house went into foreclosure, I didn’t know how to let go. And I was dragged. I was dragged. I was dragged. And it hurt, how it hurt, how it hurt. But I survived. I began to pray to God Show me how to let go. Show me how to surrender gracefully. Slowly but surely, Life revealed to me what remained when what was no longer serving me was dragged away. I’m finding more stable ground, and learning how to love what is here, now. I’m discovering that I’m happier by myself, healthier living in alignment with my deeper self, more confident speaking with my true voice, grateful for the simple things, the simple grace of being. I am grateful for this sweet surrender to life.
I’m learning how to simplify… I can’t anticipate what’s next, but I can be here now. I can’t know what will happen tomorrow, but I can attend to what needs to be done today. I can’t know if my friends will be in my life forever, but I can love who they are right now. I can practice this willingness to stay in the simple present moment so that when the time comes, I can simply let go, simply let go.