In a different place,
a chance to see who I am
away from what is familiar.
I see that I was wrong
about who I thought I was.
I see that I understood nothing.
All this time,
but thinking I could see.
Is this new sight a delusion as well?
Taking what’s necessary,
leaving the rest.
What is necessary, really?
And what have I convinced myself I need?
And what would happen
if I left all of it,
and sat with the discomfort
of empty space?
I want to hear the Inner Voice say,
And now here is where you pick yourself up,
dust yourself off, and enjoy financial stability
offering your gifts to the world
in a life-affirming way that positively impacts
you and at least the next seven generations.
I want to hear the Voice say,
And here is where your heart is healed
and you attract a partner into your life
who loves you from head to toe and wants to co-evolve
with you as an offering to all beings.
I want to hear the Voice say,
And now this is where you move into your dream home
in the mountain forest of the Pacific Northwest
and enjoy hours and hours of gazing at the mountains
From the comfort of your couch, while knitting and sipping tea.
And this too:
Now comes the part where you travel the world
Offering your teachings to beings who will benefit from them,
Exposing your children to different languages and cultures,
Broadening their horizons and showing them how to expand
their awareness into the realm of infinite possibility.
How long will it take for the voice to say this is in truth?
Because right now it’s saying to me,
Yes, this is all nice, but until it happens,
you’re deluding yourself,
and you know how you treat yourself
when you’re operating from delusion…
Here’s the part where you get depressed.
And now here is where you lash out at your kids.
And this is where you automatically feel worthless.
And now, in reaction, you will worry about your future.
I love you anyway.
For some reason,
this Inner Voice has stepped up this past week.
I don’t know why…
was it binge watching recordings of Kyle Cease’s
event Evolving Out Loud?
At any rate,
this Inner Voice
is consistently calling me out
on all of my mental states,
reminding me that I am not those states,
nor the observer of those states,
but the Space that holds
both the states and the observer of the states.
So there is now some detachment
from the ever fluctuating states,
like watching a really bad TV show
where the same characters
always do all the same things.
And I am not entertained.
that there are no problems in the present—
only choices, decisions, possibilities—
could I just slow down, breathe,
recognize where I am,
and simply do what needs to be done?
You know what?
I think I’ll try that for a day.
just doing what needs to be done
right in the moment
it needs to be done.
Do you know what that sounds likes to me?
It sounds like sanity.
In this spacious present
I can relax, breathe,
recognize that everything is ok.
Why has so much of my time been spent
being educated away from what is here?
Can I unlearn enough
to have the space in my mind
to be truly present?
What would I do with such clarity,
such immense and immediate expansion?
Knowing that I could never shrink back
to what I was before,
is it safe to leave behind what is familiar
and face the adventure before me?
If I could take a step back long enough
and see that I never needed to worry
because everything always works out
(doesn’t it?) in the end…
And if I could stop, relax, take a deep breath,
p a u s e
Might I see that all the “problems” I perceived
were merely thoughts in my mind,
and that I was fully capable
of thinking other thoughts?
And might the freedom of this
bubble up as a great big laugh,
because all along,
I was the warden and the prisoner both,
and the one who witnessed,
and the space where all of these exist?
Yes, I might just laugh and laugh
and not even notice
how much of a fool
I’ve become in the eyes of everyone else.
I would welcome such foolishness.