What if I stopped trying so hard to be “good”?
What if I could allow life to be what it is?
What if I stopped trying to get other to people like me?
What if I could just sit down, close my eyes and breathe?
I can stop.
I can sit down.
I can close my eyes.
I can breathe.
I’ll report back later.
Playing with the idea
that I don’t have to wait for something external to change
in order to achieve the feeling states I desire.
So I speak them aloud as if they are happening now,
and I feel into these states, one by one.
I feel complete.
I feel happy.
I feel safe.
I feel abundant.
I feel powerful.
I feel confident.
I feel loved.
I feel wanted.
I feel sexy.
I feel inspired.
I feel creative.
I feel welcome.
I feel connected.
I feel happy.
I feel healthy.
I feel grateful.
I feel peaceful.
I feel worthy.
I feel clear.
I feel excited.
I feel free.
As I speak these words aloud
I notice what it feels like
to really embody these states of being.
I end up feeling uplifted, amazed by the shift.
I’ll keep doing this work and I’ll see where it takes me.
I have been searching and wondering and questioning.
I have been hoping and wishing and praying.
I have been dreaming and writing and visioning.
I have been singing and dancing and running.
And always, the object of the search eludes me.
I am exhausted, fighting battles with myself,
spurring myself on, telling myself to push through.
And then it occurs to me that I have it all wrong.
I’ve been headed in the wrong direction all along.
If I could just get still and silent and listen,
I’d see that the only direction I’ve left out
is the answer to every seeker’s agonizing request
to be shown their purpose and their path.
When every other option has fizzled out
and it seems like there’s no direction to turn,
I’m back on the east side of the US,
and yet I don’t really feel like I’m home.
Where is home, really?
Who am I really?
Where am I going?
What am I wanting?
What will I do?
What will I create?
Who will I become?
Questions, questions, and still more questions.
I breathe. There are no answers.
As I surrender into the unknown,
I allow myself to believe
that many possibilities are open to me.
And I pray
that Spirit will lead me to take the next step.
Friends! I’ll be in California at an energy work intensive for the next week. I’ve chosen to leave my laptop at home so that I can focus on other pursuits…like connecting with the people around me and noticing the pace of nature. I’ll see you on the other side, hopefully with insights and some kind of newly awakened power to share! Best wishes to all of you. 🌈✨🙏🏻❤️
I ask myself if I can change.
I know deep down I can,
but the evidence is lacking.
They tell me to focus on my future
when I feel mired down in the muck of now.
I am lifted up by the grace of others.
My mother gifts me with a plane ticket;
friends welcome me to a training
that they’re allowing me to pay off over time.
I’m flying to California tomorrow.
My heart bursts open…ready.
I can feel the pressure building inside of me,
pressure to get things done, get things organized,
be better, do more, know more,
pressure to have a plan,
pressure to answer others’ questions…
It’s the dark time of the year,
and the darkness is bringing me down.
I don’t want this pressure.
I want to hide.
God, help me change my mind.
Help me welcome the pressure.
Let me see this discomfort as a yoga posture
life has given me to master.
If I can breathe through it,
I can learn something from it.