O Nobly Born, O you of glorious origin, remember your radiant true nature,
the essence of mind. Trust it. Return to it. It is home.
–Tibetan Book of the Dead
My body is so tired,
and I feel so tired writing that again.
Isn’t this what I say so often…
that I’m tired?
But tonight in particular, everything seems tired.
Not just my body, but my mind, my heart, my spirit.
Nothing seems worth any effort,
even fifteen minutes of free-writing in my journal seemed torturous, futile.
What is happening?
My mood took a nose dive today without warning.
What could I do to reestablish balance, to feel whole again?
I can hear the stories in my mind, the resistance to what is.
How do I heal this tendency to see myself as broken?
Yoga teaching helped me to feel like myself again this evening.
Two classes, thirty-three people, and I felt like myself again.
When I step into the role of teacher,
the little self becomes absorbed
into the infinite ocean of the universal self.
For a moment all my neuroses disappear,
and I’m left to ponder space, to experience pure being.
I’m grateful for the opportunity to be teacher,
to connect with other human being in such a positive way.
I just wish I could forgive myself
for not being a master of all the qualities I’m seeking to develop within.
I wouldn’t tell my child that she isn’t allowed to make mistakes–
so why can’t I allow myself the same forbearance?
What makes it so hard to see my inner nobility, to believe in the good?
When will I find freedom from the inner tormentor?
When will I remember my radiant true nature?
When will I return home?