Sitting and Walking

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We had our meditation retreat today…for multiple hours, we alternated between chunks of time spent in seated meditation and chunks of time spent in walking meditation.  Sitting with a group and going inwards is so different from my solitary twice daily meditation practice; today I was hyper aware of the noises people were making, aware of how difficult sitting for prolonged periods of time must be for those who don’t have a regular practice.  I remembered the first months of my meditation practice, how pretty much every time I sat my brain was screaming to me to stop, letting me know how futile my efforts were.  I can only imagine that some of my fellow trainees were thinking similar thoughts. But here’s to making it through the retreat and coming out the other side with at least a little more awareness than before.

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Wherever we go
our thoughts follow.
Take some time to become familiar with them,
so that you can greet them as you would an old friend.

Ah there you are again! you say to some old regret,
Let me hold you until you no longer need to be held.
There is space for you here.

Sitting or walking, let your mind slow down
and find solace in the sound of your breathing.
Meditation isn’t about finding unending bliss–
it’s about finding you, the REAL you,
who you are in this moment,
and loving the being that you are.

Once that love bubbles up and pours out of you,
you will have no choice but to feel bliss.
You will have remembered who you really are.

6 responses »

  1. These lines brought tears to my eyes:
    “Ah there you are again! you say to some old regret,
    Let me hold you until you no longer need to be held.
    There is space for you here.”
    So loving! That’s how I try to hold myself and all that comes up–sometimes it take a while to get there from, “Oh, not you again. Go away!”

    • What a kind heart you have Willow! And I’m with you about it taking an effort to get from “Oh, not you again…” to “Let me hold you,” but just the fact that we know this is a possibility gives us hope that we may become more adept over time! This is why we need our circles of friends with cups of tea–we can remind each other of our inherent goodness when we have forgotten, and we can laugh at each others’ inner critics if we have the courage to share their words. It occurs to me that being forthright about our inner abusers can be just as difficult, if not more difficult, than telling the truth about our external abusers. The inner stuff can be so much more shame provoking, hard to communicate, and difficult to identify that anything that happens on the outside. I stand next to you in solidarity–we can learn how to hold all of our feelings with the strength and the compassion in us, until they reveal to us what we need to know, until they transform…

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