I’m Not Sure I’m Ready


It’s getting real.

Today the house inspection
the appraisal
tomorrow the chimney inspection

we’re really doing this
we saved our money
scraped enough together
for closing costs
we kept our credit sparkling clean,
clean enough
to lock in a low rate for our  mortgage

we’re really buying a new house
and will move in the end of January
there will be more room for us
and yet…

I’ll have to say goodbye
to my tiny meditation room
that has been the home
of my seated practice
for over three years
and the home of my
renewed writing practice
for over one year now

there are no tiny rooms
for my meditation practice
at the new place

there is a finished basement for the kids to play
and a master bathroom
where finally our towels will stay clean
when guests come to visit

ah, but there is no tiny room
just for me, just for my cushion
for my little writing desk
for my yoga books
and my affirmation cards
and my quartz and amethyst angels
and my essential oil diffuser

where will I sit in my new home?
where can I put my cushion
where I won’t be disturbed?

When I teach yoga,
I ask my students
to let go of attachments
if just for one moment

Now I’ll need to walk my talk
Now is the test
now is what I have been practicing for

I’m not sure I’m ready for this

8 responses »

  1. I never really found a place that felt just right.. so I started to carry a binder with me.. that I could open and any space was me right away. Maybe it is just changing form somehow… I find it true that nothing is ever really lost.. ❤

  2. Letting go of the old something to move on to the new something better is always a challenge. I’m a stick-in-the-mud old Republican Uncle sort of person who never wants things to change. My wife, on the other hand, has to change everything in the world around me three times every day. Old hats, old toys, old baby clothes, we even changed houses three times… everything has to go every few months. So far, the ;kids and I are the only exceptions to that. And that may change too if I growl too much about not wanting to change so often.

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