I Can Do This

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This is your chance.  This little, short human life that you have is your opportunity.  Don’t blow it. 

–Pema Chodron

 

Stepping outside of the comfort zone–
a comfort zone
that is actually quite painful…
the familiar place
of self-denigration
that I have known so well
for so long
The only place I thought existed–
a place of not good enough,
of never okay…
even after years of therapy,
meditation, yoga,
journal-writing, soul-seeking…
still stuck there, in that bubble
of self criticism…
Stepping out of that familiar place
of fear, of anxiety, of depression
and self-medication…
seeking clarity,
wanting to know the real me,
hoping to be better, feel better,
know more, do more…
and now finally being told
that I don’t have to live this way any more.
And it doesn’t take magic,
and it doesn’t take a teacher
or a retreat somewhere
or different medication
or a different form of meditation,
or more money, more time,
more wisdom–
No…
It takes me being aware of my own pain,
and meeting myself
the way I would meet a good friend–
with the same kindness, care, and concern
I know how to share with another–
this I give to myself.
And it doesn’t have to be fancy…
No, it can be simple.
And so I just step back
and look in,
put my hands over my heart
and wow.
Yes. I can do this.
And I wonder what places
will be unlocked in my mind
when the old tyrants
have finally been soothed
and cuddled, and put to bed.
When the adult in me wakes up
and turns on the light
and looks in the mirror
and loves what she sees.
And loves who she sees.
Yes. I can do this.

4 responses »

  1. It’s quite a maze trying to find oneself and I feel there’s hardly any endeavor more promising than finally trying and believing. From this piece I can almost tell that if not already, you are beginning to find yourself. congratulations for that! I hope to follow in these steps and truly find myself finally too.

    • Thank you friend for your kind and insightful words. It’s the great irony of our human consciousness–that we seek and seek outside of ourselves to finally discover that what we really want is right here within us. And I agree with you that this endeavor is one of the most promising we could undertake.

  2. How fortunate I feel to have benefitted from your compassion – and how much I hope you can truly offer yourself the benefit of the same. I no longer believe there even is such a thing as ‘perfect’ a perfectionist would certainly never truly be satisfied or feel they’d reached that goal. And anyway, I think a ‘perfect’ person would be rather lonely. It is, I suspect, in our weaknesses and imperfections that we are able to bond with others and grow together. You are amazing, way beyond ‘okay’ or ‘good-enough’! I am thankful for you, and all your qualities.

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