After a year and five months of living in our new home, I finally got around to finding a doctor who lives in the area. I saw her today and ended up talking to her about my moods and how much anger I deal with, especially toward the end of my cycles. It’s humbling to have to admit that I need help dealing with something I thought I could handle on my own. And I get caught up in the thinking that I’ve done so much work with my meditation, journaling, and seeing my therapist that surely I should be better by now.
It’s painful to admit that I scored very low on a life satisfaction survey even though many of the components necessary for a happy life are already present in mine. I have a family that I love and who loves me, work that is deeply fulfilling, and many interests that keep me wanting to learn and explore life. What is wrong? What is keeping me from expressing the highest version of myself?
These questions have no answers. They are an invitation to relax into this reality and to cultivate compassion for the one in me who needs gentleness and understanding.