Not Knowing


As I sat in the theater
I would remind myself periodically
I am Lorien
and I am watching a movie.
I was practicing retaining some awareness of myself
as the drama unfolded before my eyes
as opposed to becoming so absorbed in it
that I forgot myself.
In this world of many distractions
it’s easy to forget who I am,
what this life is.
As I kept reminding myself
I am Lorien
I started to wonder how true that was.
Isn’t my name just another label,
and don’t labels obscure the witness self
who simply is there?
Could I say I am being itself?
I am life?
I am consciousness?
Or more simply,
I am?
In the end,
the reminders felt a little silly.
They were just indicators
of a feeling, a sense of isness,
of awareness.
When this kind of awareness is felt,
it doesn’t need to become
caught up in a sticky net of words.
This isness is always free, limitless,
and escapes all attempts at definition.
Perhaps my practice
is letting go of the need for understanding
and just sitting in the sweet place
of not knowing.

4 responses »

  1. Love this! Is-ness is my bisness! Interesting you did that in a movie, the very plac that is specifically designed for the exact opposite. I doubt I would challenge myself that way. Your conclusion I agree with. That sweet space of merel observing…

    • Thank you for your comment! It’s true that many people watch TV and movies to escape from their day and all of the rigors that can be so challenging and tiring. My moment of self-awareness at the moves was an experiment. I’m glad that I have the luxury of experiments like these–to even know that it’s possible to pay attention to our own awareness is such a gift. ❤

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