Accountable For Presence


Reality check.
I begin to discover
to what degree I’m still waiting
for the rest of my life to begin.
Once he moves out
and the separation begins…
Once I have a steady income
and I don’t need his help…
Once my heart heals from the loss…
Once I start to believe in myself…
Once I am able to live a more creative,
a more joyful, a more liberated existence…

And I sit here, wondering how long
I will defer my happiness
waiting for something besides
what I already have
in this one moment.
I look for the wisdom
in loving what is.
I search for the courage necessary
to hold myself accountable
for such presence.

6 responses »

  1. You are doing really great, Lorien. I’m so grateful for your honesty and strength.

    We do need to be a little careful, as not both are possible at the same time: we can either be holding ourselves accountable, or we can be holding ourselves tenderly.
    What do we choose in each moment, and how do we influence everyone else’s reactions and behavior towards us?

    I feel you in my heart and I know you have all the wisdom and the courage you need right now. You will be granted everything else you need for every step of your journey. I also know this self-blame train all too well. You cannot even leave the station for now, because, look out the window, the former driver is here on the platform -yes hiii!-, but I’m pretty sure they’re finding a replacement soon. Come down for a hug?

    • A hug sounds great, thank you. And I appreciate your words of understanding and encouragement. It helps to know that I’m not the only traveler on this train! ❤

  2. “When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”

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