About to Jump

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I’m too depressed to sit at my computer,
so here I am on my phone.
I’m tired, lonely, feeling sick,
questioning my will to live.
It is a dark time.
I go through a mental list of people I know
wondering who might be able to talk,
and then I write everyone off:
Too busy
They haven’t been there
I told them what I was going through
and they distanced themselves.
They wouldn’t want to hear
about my life anyway.

So I feel utterly isolated
in the cold, dark and lonely
wishing I could die.
Meanwhile
My children are playing
in the other room.
The truth is
I hate myself and my life right now
and it feels like it will always be this way.
I’m standing on a ledge in my mind,
about to jump.

15 responses »

  1. You are always in my grateful thoughts and prayers, Lorien sweetness, through all (y)our ups and downs. To you and your little ones, angelic hugs and purest love in each precious moment,
    👼
    💜
    👼
    💜
    👼
    💜

    If we just lay here as babes of God…

  2. I think there are many who have felt like that at times. Life can certainly be a challenge sometimes. No, like other comments have mentioned, you are not alone. 💖💖💖. I hope your children can be a light for you. But I know that it is hard to recognize light when everything is so dark. But it is there. Have you considered seeing a therapist, if you not really are? I am anyway sending you lots and lots of love and light. 💖🌟💖🌟💖🌟. Hang in there. It WILL get better! 💖💖💖

    • Thank you Trini, a part of me is laughing so hard as you mention a therapist. I have been going for six years and am so grateful…and I’m thinking, “Gosh if anybody thinks THIS is bad, imagine me WITHOUT the therapy I’ve had!!” 😂🤣🤣

      • 😄😄😄😄 That is good to know that there is someone there for you to talk to! I hope you will find some small moments of joy that will spark the light again for you 😊. Sending you lots of love. ! 🌬💖🌟💖🌟💖🌟

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