Why Should I?


And just like that,
without warning,
my mood plummets.
Maybe it was the dream I had last night,
the dream where his friends
(who used to be my friends too)
were throwing drinks at me,
telling me to shut up and leave.
I woke up full of fresh grief
and a heaping new dose of betrayal…
and I couldn’t shake it.
Maybe it’s because of that dream
that I felt so withdrawn today.
I guess he noticed.
He felt a need to text me
and tell me how important it is
to “keep the lines of communication open.”
He told me I was being horrible, nasty,
that I was choosing to be like this,
that I could be more decent.
After reading all those admonishments,
I didn’t feel open to more communication.
I still don’t.
But seriously.
Why should I be?

5 responses »

  1. There’s a terrible feeling when some ephemeral thing from sleep infects our day. As if some half-remembered dream, or just the position of how we slept, seems to press thorns into our waking world.
    Once there, it takes so very little for those thorns to press in deeper and draw blood, even if it was not entirely intended…
    Hard to want to volunteer one’s self for the added irritation…open communication or otherwise.

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