Saturday Night Ruminations

Standard

He is gone again on a Saturday night.
I stopped asking long ago where he goes.
And I suppose
he let this marriage go
long ago,
but not I.
I still wake up at night
forgetting this has happened.
I committed for life.
How do you uncommit?
How do you rescind your sacred vows,
spoken publicly?
When I stated mine, I meant them.
I saw us growing old together.
And each time I heard of a couple
going through a separation,
I spoke to him and told him
how grateful I was for our union.
I knew he was unhappy,
but I thought it was just temporary.
I tried to help him.
But he just blamed me.
He left the kids in front of the TV for hours
while I taught yoga today,
and upon my return he left.
Has he met someone else?
Is he with friends?
Will he ever be my friend again?
In time my heart will heal,
but right now it feels so real,
this grief, this pain
from a loss so profound
words cannot touch
this deep dark ground
I’ve fallen on.

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