How Could He?

Standard

He has moved on.
Some nights he’s gone
all night.
Another woman’s bed,
and my head
explodes,
too many episodes
of grief and drama.
The trauma of such loss
of intimacy and trust
and I’m told to just
move on,
as if there were some switch
to flick
so I don’t think about
how one time he picked me
to be his lawfully wedded wife,
which I still am.
Grief.
Rage.
Resentment.
I found condoms in his bag
after he told me I was crazy,
after he blew me off,
after he said
he wouldn’t talk about this with me.
I told him he couldn’t gaslight me
any longer;
I’m stronger than that.
Crying, calling him lazy
for giving up,
a coward for doing it this way.
And the felt sense of injustice.
He shows up in the morning
sheepish for one second.
Then slithers around my children
pretending like he cares
after leaving me alone with them
night after night after night.
And I’m supposed
to go along with this?
How could he?

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