Before It Began

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The sadness engulfs me;
I am not enough,
and this is why he left me.
Who speaks these words
inside me?
I know that they aren’t the truth.
I was his committed wife.
I cooked, I did laundry,
I kept the house tidy,
I gave him two beautiful children,
and raised them to be healthy,
happy and aware.
I was his lover; his friend.
I told him my hopes, my dreams,
my fears.
I fought and I forgave.
I stood up to him
when I disagreed;
I laughed, and loved,
and planned my life around him.
And then one day
He told me it was over.
He tells me I was never a partner,
I was a taker, a “me first” kind of person.
Months later,
he took a new lover
under cover,
but I found out;
it was my gut and finally
technology that told me.
The betrayal cut deep
and I’ve lost sleep
over this man who was once mine
(and who still is on paper)…
but in truth he left this marriage
before it ever began.
Why should I grieve the loss
of what never was
and never will be again?

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