The Guiding Light

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I realized that what hurt the worst
was losing our shared experience
of life together,
raising our children together,
for the togetherness gave me so much meaning,
gave me an identity, a purpose,
a compass, a guiding light…
and suddenly that was gone.
Suddenly we were always at odds…
and suddenly he was with another.
Now he is preparing to leave our home,
a most final step in this process of dissolution,
and the pain gets triggered once more.
I look back on what I wrote,
I turn it around to myself.
What hurt the worst
was losing my individual experience
of life with myself,
raising my inner child, myselfโ€”
for this autonomy gave me so much meaning,
gave me an identity, a purpose,
a compass, a guiding light…
and suddenly that was gone.
When I embrace this turnaround,
I can see it is just as true or even truer
that what I wrote before.
Now my work is to live the turnaround,
reclaim my inner child, this Self,
the One in me who IS the guiding light.

12 responses »

      • I think maybe you’re stronger than you know. I heard someone say that. It was Marianne Williamson. I’ve been doing A Course in Miracles lessons. It’s weird that the same things show up now and I feel they don’t knock me down anymore. Were taking care of our sick cat. We have to feed her in a tube thing for a few days You kind of find your strength when you need it I think. ๐Ÿ’™

      • Laurie, thank you for this. I’m doing ACIM too! Probably the fourth or fifth time I’ve started. I’m on lesson 72. I meant to do one a day starting in the new year and then real life happened. Thank you for your astute comment. You make so much sense to me.

      • It’s helpful to me too. I sometimes get caught up on the male-centric language, but I transform it in my mind to fit what feels right within me…Mother-Father God, Daughter-Son of God (or Child of God). I’ve gotten past lesson 100 at least three times. This time I want to make it through the Course. This year it seems really important to keep my commitments, as I’ve navigated the loss of the biggest commitment I ever made to anyone. โค๏ธ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿปโœจ๐ŸŒˆ

      • I had to start over too in this workbook. I like the carol howe videos. I think that’s her last name. I just type carol and it pops up on youtube. She sounds like a wise elder women. LOL

      • Hmm, I’ve never heard of her. I’ll have to check her out! Thank you for the tip. โค๏ธโœจ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป๐ŸŒˆ

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