The Guiding Light

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I realized that what hurt the worst
was losing our shared experience
of life together,
raising our children together,
for the togetherness gave me so much meaning,
gave me an identity, a purpose,
a compass, a guiding light…
and suddenly that was gone.
Suddenly we were always at odds…
and suddenly he was with another.
Now he is preparing to leave our home,
a most final step in this process of dissolution,
and the pain gets triggered once more.
I look back on what I wrote,
I turn it around to myself.
What hurt the worst
was losing my individual experience
of life with myself,
raising my inner child, myself—
for this autonomy gave me so much meaning,
gave me an identity, a purpose,
a compass, a guiding light…
and suddenly that was gone.
When I embrace this turnaround,
I can see it is just as true or even truer
that what I wrote before.
Now my work is to live the turnaround,
reclaim my inner child, this Self,
the One in me who IS the guiding light.

12 responses »

      • I think maybe you’re stronger than you know. I heard someone say that. It was Marianne Williamson. I’ve been doing A Course in Miracles lessons. It’s weird that the same things show up now and I feel they don’t knock me down anymore. Were taking care of our sick cat. We have to feed her in a tube thing for a few days You kind of find your strength when you need it I think. 💙

      • Laurie, thank you for this. I’m doing ACIM too! Probably the fourth or fifth time I’ve started. I’m on lesson 72. I meant to do one a day starting in the new year and then real life happened. Thank you for your astute comment. You make so much sense to me.

      • It’s helpful to me too. I sometimes get caught up on the male-centric language, but I transform it in my mind to fit what feels right within me…Mother-Father God, Daughter-Son of God (or Child of God). I’ve gotten past lesson 100 at least three times. This time I want to make it through the Course. This year it seems really important to keep my commitments, as I’ve navigated the loss of the biggest commitment I ever made to anyone. ❤️🙏🏻✨🌈

      • I had to start over too in this workbook. I like the carol howe videos. I think that’s her last name. I just type carol and it pops up on youtube. She sounds like a wise elder women. LOL

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