This Is True

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On the eve of my 41st birthday
and I’m feeling depressed.
My life has fallen apart,
husband with another woman…
they’re out tonight
at a Passover Seder,
at the home of a couple
who used to be my friends;
now they’ve accepted her as his,
and I am home with our children,
picking up the pieces of our wrecked life,
trying to maintain stability for them…
and I feel angry.
I feel hurt.
I feel betrayed, abandoned, discarded.
I want to be heard.
I want to be held.
I want to be seen.
I want a wise old grandma
to pull me into her lap,
to rock me, and hush me,
and tell me I am safe,
and all is well.
But there is no grandma here…
only me and my kids.
I search for meaning
as my fingers dance across keys,
sending words out
into a world of people
I most likely will never meet.
Who hears this?
Who cares?
Who knows this pain?
Who can tell me
that things will get better?
Who can convince me
that this is true?

12 responses »

  1. It’s real. It’s true. But, like all conditioned things, it will pass. In the interim, a thousand strangers hold you in their thoughts. May you be free from grief and suffering. May this suffering be the cause of your striving to find release from the wheel of samsara.

  2. I know this place well. I remember telling my daughter I have no one to calm me down. I’ll never forget when she was tiny she said well then we’ll calm each other down. Not that I expected her to, but it was sweet. Also I was rejected by every therapist I had known just before I found this place.

    • Wow, Laurie, that must’ve been such a vulnerable place…rejected because they thought they couldn’t help you? Because they didn’t want to risk trying? I don’t have any emjois for that one…but I send you a heart and prayers…❤️🙏🏻 You are a brave soul and it is a privilege to know you. 💜🌈✨

    • Such a tender spot to be in. I’m wondering what I’m going to feel as I look back on this time. So much of what I’ve said and done have come from a hurt, angry, scared place…

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