Do I Keep Going?


Do I keep going?
I found out my blog has been infiltrated
by trolls of the one I loved,
the one who hurt me the most.
He read my words here.
Now he criticizes me for writing them.
He claims I could somehow be hurting my children
by being sad.
He says I need to take better care of myself
for their sake.
And I feel violated.
It’s crazy, I know,
but I thought I was safe here.
He never cared about my writing before;
in fact, he wanted me to stop.
He told me I wrote too much.
But now that we are estranged,
now he takes an interest in my words,
so that he can use them
as ammunition against me?
If I shut down my blog
he’d be winning.
I wish I knew how best to respond.

Yoga Mom friends…has anyone here been through this type of situation, where an ex-partner is trolling your online world? A part of me wants to continue to allow him access to the chronicles of my thoughts and feelings on this blog; maybe a miracle will occur and he’ll grow some capacity to feel some real feelings.  Another part of me believes that he has forfeited the right to see the depth of my pain, to gain entry to this part of my consciousness; he has expressed no remorse for what he has done to our marriage and family and shows no sign of letting up as he posts one year anniversary pictures of him and his mistress.  This is ugly and unfair. Do I leave the blog up or take it down? Do I start a new blog where I don’t talk about any of this stuff any more? Do I set this blog to private?  I resent this intrusion. Thank you in advance to anyone able to share their thoughts here.

10 responses »

  1. i’m sorry that this has happened and i’m not sure what to tell you as to the details of what to do next. is it possible to contact word press and ask their advice? it seems like such a healthy outlet for you to express yourself and to come to grips with your feelings.

    • I agree. I have decided to be careful about my posts and not share so transparently. Which feels like backpeddling, but at this point, I think it’s for the best.

  2. If you have an attorney you should speak with one although I can’t imagine how working through your grief could be anything but good. You have to ask yourself what the point of your blog is: would it still be valuable to you if you were to write anonymously? That’s basically what I do but those who know me personally IRL know who I am. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

    • Thanks, friend. You have a point there. I started off writing this blog for myself but have enjoyed the feeling of connectedness that has arisen from those who read and comment on my posts. It would feel like a loss to make it completely private. I have my journals for that kind of writing…

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