Busy Christmas Eve

Standard

Early I was awake
mind buzzing.
Sleep was not an option.
So I got up, sat for an hour,
made myself breakfast,
and by 6am I was writing.
By 9:45am I was teaching yoga
to twenty-eight people,
bright souls
willing to do the work.
We laughed, breathed,
moved together.
By 11am I was in a grocery store,
last minute shopping.
By noon I was vacuuming
my kids’ carpets.
At 2 it was time
to drop them off with their dad.
Back home
I took a long, hot bath,
then I wrapped presents.
Then it was dinner,
after which my dad
and I played guitar.
I searched for a Christmasey feeling,
but sang Irish drinking songs instead.
Now it’s time for bed.

🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
This was my first Christmas Eve without my kids since they were born. I think I did a lot of grief processing beforehand, because I felt much more peaceful and calm about it than I thought I was going to feel. I anticipated drowning my sorrows in some prosecco,
but I didn’t feel called to it, I didn’t want it.

Last year at this time my husband was still living with me and it was painful to witness Christmas Eve as a newly broken family.

This year is different. I don’t feel a need to escape my feelings. I don’t feel surprised or overwhelmed by them.

And that is a true gift.
 

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