What Now?

Standard

I taught all my yoga classes
(seven in three days)
and I am exhausted.
I had dinner in Westminster
with my cousin and her family,
gave my father a card and a hug.
Back home the loneliness sets in.
My kids are with their dad and his girlfriend,
and I keep seeing
families playing together,
wondering how my life got to this,
where I’m working myself to exhaustion
just to make ends meet,
homeless in less than a month,
angry at the injustice,
lonely without my kids.
I want this to change.
I am willing to change.
But I need help to see beyond my pain.
What now?

8 responses »

  1. I am wondering if you and the kids lost their home, how come you are not getting sufficient alimony to help correct that. Maybe you’ve answered this on another post – I’ve been away for a while and haven’t been on wp much.

    • Thanks for being here and for your question. The answer is a bit complicated. I am receiving some child support and alimony, but it isn’t sufficient to cover the cost of a living space to keep my kids in the same school zone. I could move to a less expensive part of town, but I want to keep my kids in their school. Also, please note that between child support, alimony and my yoga teaching income I could afford monthly rent at the apartment complex I was wanting to move to; I just don’t qualify because my income isn’t high enough according to their stringent guidelines. They don’t want you to be paying more than 33% of your monthly income to rent. I’m a person who is ok living simply in order to meet basic needs. I don’t buy clothes, shoes, go out to restaurants or go on vacation. I spend money on bills and groceries. I was able to draw up a budget and prove that I can afford monthly rent, but I didn’t qualify because of the debt to income ratio. I’m hoping to find a private rental property in the school zone and convince the owner that I can pay the rent reliably. Which I can. Because I’m a hardworking, honest person who just wants her kids to stay in their school.

  2. Don’t forget how amazing you are…or the fact that you influence…inspire…captivate and motivate others.

    You are part of the true1%…the real trillionaire…rich in life.

    Whatever’s going on today…one day you’ll laugh about it…and…your unique talents will get you to that point.

    We’re all human and we all have ups and downs. Shows a lot about your strength and who you are as a person to be so honest and open about it.

    Smile…laugh…rejoice…frolic…and…keep doing you my friend ✌️❤️

    • Thank you so much, Lee, for the encouragement. It’s so easy to get caught up in the tough moments and think they’ll last forever. I’m feeling more determined than every to enjoy my life, today, even with the challenges. We never know how much time we have, and if I were to die tomororw I’d want to know that I loved my kids as much as I could and gave as much as I could to the world. That means staying awake and choosing to be present to each moment as it presents itself, not focusing my eyes on the far horizon and spending time in thoughts about “some day”, but really being here right now. 🙏🏻❤️

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