Now that I’ve been
“I love myself, I love myself,”
as much as possible,
I’ve been naturally drawn
to taking better care of my living space.
I’ve been decluttering the house
room by room,
taking trips to the local donation spots,
and each time I release something,
I can hear the house
sighing in relief,
If space is really what we need,
why do we spend some much time
to fill it with?
may we stop
just long enough
to take a breath,
look into one another’s eyes,
where we are.
Sorting through years of being together,
so many memories surfacing,
the sentimentality of it all.
When you left,
you took what you wanted
and left the rest,
an apt metaphor for our life together.
Now I’m left to sort through
the aftermath of our togetherness…alone.
Our children’s artwork, books, clothing, and toys,
bits of this and that,
odds and ends accumulated over the years…
You told me I didn’t want to move
because I have so much sh*t
that I just don’t want to deal
with sorting it and packing it up…
You were only partially correct.
For starters…a lot of this is OUR sh*t, sir,
which is what happens when two people
create two children and live together
for eight years.
A part of me doesn’t want to deal with it,
you are right—
but that’s just one part.
That’s the part you knew and criticized,
the one that was never good enough for you.
But I have other parts.
There’s one part who has been
only too glad to purge myself of you,
my body, my mind, my heart, my spirit,
my home…free from you.
There’s another part that is so strong
and so resilient, it has been working diligently
to release, release, release the old
in order to welcome the new.
Another part is really glad for the future
without you in it as my tormentor,
and who looks forward
to (one day when I’m ready)
stepping into the embrace
of a real man,
a man who sees me and loves me
for my power and strength,
my creativity and sensuality,
my generosity and compassion,
my ability to clearly articulate my thoughts and feelings,
my humor and my excitement about life.*
Yet another part is deeply calm and peaceful,
and maybe a little amused at this whole process.
Turns out, sir,
you didn’t know me.
You didn’t know me very much at all.
*Yes, if you had seen and appreciated any of these qualities, our story would have been very different. Your loss, buster. But namaste all the same. 🙏🏻🌈✨
Safe, at home,
after being out in the snow.
Went out to celebrate
a friend’s birthday,
when it was time to drive home,
Snow that made me drive
(for safety’s sake)
oh so slowly.
as the car skidded.
My prayers saw me home.
Now, ready for bed,
clean, safe and warm,
I feel just one thing:
It’s going to be okay.
I feel that now.
Last year I worked on cultivating trust,
and this year, I chose freedom.
As I trust, I relax into being,
and this moment opens up
and shows me what I need to know….
Or more precisely,
I open up
and I can finally see
what this moment
was trying to show me all along.
Yes. I open up,
and then I can receive
the gifts that were always there,
awaiting my opening.
I open up
and the whole universe is delighted
to shower me with the love and the abundance
that now gets to be expressed through me,
through my willingness to trust and to be free.
We’re all in this together.
To believe otherwise
is to close yourself off
from what will save you.
We were all born,
we will all one day die.
Let the reality of your life
one day ending
wake you up
to the connections in your life,
that really mean something to you.
When you lie on your death bed,
you won’t care how much money
you have in the bank
or how many cars you have in your garage
or how big your house is.
You will only be asking,
Did I love as much as I could?
Did I live the best way I could?
If you died tomorrow,
what would be your regrets?
If you have any,
it’s time to start living!
Today is the day
you awaken from the dream
the dream of lack and limitation,
the dream of unworthiness,
the dream of fear, self-doubt,
the dream of weakness.
Today is the day
you wake up from the dream
that has kept you in prison.
Today is the day
you stand in the light
how free you are
this one precious life.
My mind gets caught
in the most current challenge.
Around and around in a circle it goes,
trying to figure it all out.
But what if it isn’t meant to be figured out?
What if it’s meant to be lived?
What if it were enough to
just make it through this day,
with a body, mind, heart and spirit
all seeking integration?
What if I could breathe deeply,
relax into this moment,
and trust the unfolding
of my experience,
allowing the answers to be revealed
when the time is right?