C’mon, admit it to me—
You weren’t in love with the routine anyway!
You ritualistically grumbled
At the dawn of each new day
And resented the tasks asked of you.
C’mon, be honest, admit it—
You didn’t have much to lose!
Only your attachment to control,
Your belief in an uncaring universe,
Your inability to recognize how blessed you were.
Let’s be frank with one another.
This whole global pandemic is a gift!
It’s an opportunity to slow down and see
The lies you were telling to you
The lies I was telling to me.
Listen closely to me.
THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY.
An opportunity to be free.
To slow down and see what really matters to you.
What really matters to me.
Slow down, beloved. Breathe.
It’s all good, you see?
Look around you.
Don’t try to figure it all out.
The moment is always changing,
and the understanding you have now
is different from the one you will have tomorrow.
It is enough to just be who you are.
It is enough to just breathe.
Look around you.
Woke up this morning,
said to myself
It’s time to apply for unemployment.
Right in the middle,
the website crashed.
I couldn’t log on to my kids’ iPad
to install the Kids’ Messenger app
because I had forgotten my
Apple ID password,
and there was a whole process involved to reset it.
Then I couldn’t log on to my Human Resources account
to cash in my ONE hour of paid sick leave
and this is after going back and forth via email
with someone from HR this whole week.
Then my friend told me an email she sent
got bounced back…
one of my email accounts has a totally full inbox.
I’m thinking to myself,
I mean, really all that happened
is that I’m home and finally have the time
to take the lid off this can of worms.
Technology feels gross right now.
But it’s the only way to stay connected right now.
So I need to get over myself
and just handle this can of worms.
The way you doing anything
is the way you do everything.
So, if you’re really honest with yourself,
are you handling this pandemic
the way you handle
(what was) your everyday life?
Is it a crisis? Are you panicking?
Does it feel like something is missing?
Like you should have known better,
or done more, or saved more,
or created more by now?
Do you have regrets?
Do you yearn for what was?
And how is this thinking different
from the way you were thinking
before the $hit hit the fan? Honestly?
you decided to elevate your mind
to a state of gratitude?
What if you started searching
for the opportunities present
in this challenge?
What if you decided to leverage
your gifts, talents and abilities
in service of humankind, right now?
the way you do anything
is the way you do everything.
Being ok with change takes practice,
so don’t be hard on yourself
for not taking this well.
We are hardwired to gravitate
it’s how we all survived this long,
so in a deep, instinctive way,
we all yearn to get back to “normal.”
we were made for these times.
This is what we have been preparing for.
So, beloveds, take a deep breath,
be extra kind, gentle and loving with yourself,
hold all your hurting parts with tenderness.
Change is hard and
sometimes life sucks,
but you aren’t alone.
We will get through this together.
When I believe my thoughts I am anxious.
When I connect with reality, I am at peace.
I have known this for a long time,
and now more than ever it holds true.
It is so humbling to admit that all of my training
couldn’t prepare me for this reality.
Yoga is fun and neat when you’re sitting in a room
with 30 people, learning how to teach people yoga
in a thriving studio on a normal day.
No one prepared me for a Pandemic.
No one told me how it would feel
when I couldn’t see my students anymore.
No one explained what it would be like
to go into a store and find empty shelves.
No one described the despair I’d feel
contemplating bringing my children up
during a widespread economic collapse.
After so many years of encouraging my students to breathe,
I find myself holding my breath.
After teaching my students how to stay present,
I find myself feeling anxious about the future.
After guiding my students into deep relaxation,
I feel anxiety alive in my body.
I remember that this will one day be a memory.
When this is all over,
I’d like to be able to tell the story about how I realized
I could just fully relax,
how I spent my time creating wonderful things
and then the Pandemic was over,
and I could look back on the quarantine
feeling proud that I stayed strong…
I guess I better start breathing
and staying present,
just like I’ve been teaching all these years.
After all this time practicing presence,
all this work appreciating possibility,
all this meditation on realizing my potential,
I recognize that I’m just as attached
to my carefully crated reality
as everyone else.
When faced with the loss of everything familiar,
I can’t help but panic, mourn, grieve.
It’s humbling to admit
after saying so many times
I wanted my life to change
that now all I am I doing is
craving the routine.