I’m so lost inside my prayers
that night is day
and day is night.
I go out in the storm
and seek refuge from the sun.
My music disappears
when I try to capture it,
and flows abundantly
when I relax into its release.
The urge to create perfection is my enemy.
Embracing my huamnness is my salve.
May all beings be happy, healthy,
peaceful and at ease.
Ok, so where to begin?
I recently dodged two bullets
and celebrated my close calls,
having lived through
three years of celibacy
that I’d rather be alone
than share my time
with a man who cannot
and truly see me.
I’d like to get to the point
where the average experience
of being alive feels safe and pleasant,
rather than anxiety provoking and heavy.
Breathing, looking around,
really seeing and feeling the truth
that all is well,
my peaceful life isn’t as far
as my mind would have me believe.
Without any words to define you,
who would you be?
How would you describe yourself?
Without any past to regret,
without any future to long for,
who would you be right now?
If we drop the ideas about reality
and dive straight into this one moment
we can live what is here, now.
Awakening is closer than you think.
When we aren’t trying to get somewhere else
or do something else
or be someone else
or feel something else
We might just pause long enough to realize
that where we are
and who we are
is actually pretty great.
Up late getting ready.
Big day. Big weekend.
Today I taught three yoga classes.
Tomorrow I’ll teach three classes,
then I’ll lead a five hour training.
I made eye pillows to give the participants,
as well as training manuals
so that they can take the information with them.
I made a kale and quinoa salad
for our working dinner tomorrow.
All in all, it will be a twelve hour day…
Sunday I’ll teach three more classes.
And somehow, somehow,
I am to find the time and stamina
to PACK MY HOUSE
BECAUSE IT’S TIME TO MOVE.
I decided it’s not time to freak out.
Freaking out is an old, outworn habit,
and it really serves no purpose.
Instead, I’m choosing presence.
I’m showing up inside each moment,
clear on what the moment is calling for,
and doing that.
When it’s time to teach, I’ll teach.
When it’s time to eat, I’ll eat.
When it’s time to pack, I’ll pack.
When it’s time to move, I’ll move.
And when it’s time to rest, I’ll rest.
I am so grateful to have been brought to this simple place,
where I no longer need to chastize myself
for what I didn’t do sooner
In this simple place,
I see what needs to be done,
and I do that.
There is so much peace in the present moment.
Don’t read this with your mind,
read it with your heart,
because your heart will know that it is true:
There is nothing missing in this moment,
and you are whole and complete as you are.
Don’t listen to your mind respond to what you just read!
You’ve got to hush that thing up, give it a vacation.
Say to your mind,
Yes, dear, I know, you don’t like this…
why don’t you take a nice hot bath or something?
Meanwhile, just run right out the back door,
get back to the love that is this moment.
It waits for you like the best lover you have ever known,
open, available, ready to give you everything,
if you just show up and allow yourself to be held.
Who am I?
I won’t answer
Woman, mother, yoga teacher,
hustling to make ends meet…
that’s just the identity
my society has programmed me to see.
Who AM I?
It’s better to ask,
Who am I not?
I am not this or that,
not anything that can be labeled.
The I within me existed
long before the universe sprang into being,
and will continue to last
long after the earth ceases to support life.
I am not young or old,
I am not success or failure.
I am unnameable, timeless,
stillness in motion,
particle and wave both.
I am being and nonbeing,
formlessness within form,
the void inside matter,
the light inside darkness,
birth within death.
I am neither sound nor silence,
neither desire nor the fulfilment of desire.
There is no place that I exist
and there is no place that I do not exist.
In the smallest particle of my self
the Universe finds its center
and spins into being.
I am nothing and everything all at once,
no beginning, no end.
Then the small creature in me says,
Yes, yes, all of this sounds great,
but I still need to sleep.
I was giving from an expectation of return,
bemoaning what felt like an unending inequality.
Until I gave from the joy of giving,
I never quite knew what it was to be truly free.
It occurred to me finally
that it wasn’t about some universal balance sheet
where someone is keeping notes
and the end result is a zero sum game…
No, it’s about becoming the Universe
that knows nothing but giving of itself
as life begets life
and love expands love
and joy after joy opens into quiet peace,
knowing that in this self-organizing Universe
the totality of being expresses as
and the most valuable thing you can do for me
is to receive my giving, generously.