It’s ok for me to feel sleepy
and too tired
to get up
from the couch
It’s ok for me to dream
and feel uplifted
about what’s next.
Somewhere between the couch
and infinite possibility
there is my divine purpose,
my ultimate destiny.
There is some work to be done.
May I do it cheerfully.
Let’s imagine that everything you’ve lived until now
was a dream,
and suddenly, you’ve awoken, and realized you were sleeping.
You finally can see that everything you’ve ever lived
is your own dream creation,
and as the Creator of this dream existence
you’ve also constructed the ideas of “right” and “wrong.”
Let’s further imagine that upon recognizing that you’ve awoken,
you find it quite funny how you believed
that “right” and “wrong” actually existed.
Now that you know there is no such thing,
you take a deep breath and relax,
realizing that peace, too, is your creation.
Panic won’t help.
Breathing will most definitely help.
Trusting will help.
But don’t tense up.
Tensing up won’t help.
Just feel your body softening, opening and relaxing.
Softening, opening and relaxing
will most definitely help.
Who waits patiently
for you to finally wake up
that you were the one
you were searching for all along?
Who reminds you to breathe, when,
in the midst of daily effort
you’ve taken on some old struggle
that isn’t yours to endure?
Who waits for you
through all the years of your life
and at the end of it all
stands with open arms
to welcome you back home?
Your True Self,
The only reality,
The consciousness that pervades all…
What I judge in you
is something unowned in me,
stepping forward to be loved and seen.
Sometimes awakening can be heavy
as we struggle for air,
suffocating under burdens
that were never ours to carry
but which we’ve held on to for so long
we think they are us.
Set down the burdens of the past, my friend,
the ways you try to prove that you’re right,
the ways you attempt to defend your position
and end up alienating the world…
The world doesn’t need us to be right.
The world doesn’t need us to be better.
The world just needs us to be…
It’s a constant struggle between my past and my future.
The past is familiar; it leaps up into my consciousness
and makes itself seen and felt again and again and again.
The future is unknown; it’s the stuff hoped for
and requires faith and focus to keep my vision clear.
I pray for the stamina to keep reinvesting my energy in my future,
to draw my attention back to the good things to come.
I pray for the time when his choices aren’t ricocheting in my mind
they way they’ve done for over a year—
and it’s been quite an interesting year.
Each day, I discover, I make a choice.
I can choose victimhood or empowerment;
but it’s always my choice.
May I always choose empowerment.
The day has unfolded in simplicity.
I got the children up
we had breakfast
they got on the bus
I remembered their lunches
and brought them to school.
Back home I tidied my house
I listened to music
I remembered being married to my husband,
being close to him;
I thought about where he is now
and with whom;
I finally got around
to downloading months and months
of my financial info
for the attorneys to pore over;
I sent out multiple emails,
pictures of my bills.
I had avoided doing this
because my financial straits
have been a source of
great shame and embarrassment.
But the day unfolded in simplicity.
It needed to be done
and without my stories bogging me down
I was finally able to do it.
My kids got back home early
from their half day of school.
They had popsicles in the sunshine;
my son climbed a tree.
I sat and looked at the flowers I planted
in the last week,
admired the beauty and the utter creativity
of Mother Nature.
I felt tired so I lay down.
My children followed me upstairs
to my room
and proceeded to wrestle
one another on the floor
right by my bed.
I got up, made myself a protein shake,
cleaned off the table outside,
sat down in the breeze,
sipped my shake…
and now I’m writing this poem.
It’s a simple day,
a simple life,
a beautiful life
without my story.
When you think you should’ve done better,
be gentle; allow yourself to try again.
Yes, be honest with yourself
and make clear choices about the next time,
but still, be gentle.
Would you admonish a toddler
for not knowing how to sprint a marathon?
I come home
not sure what home is.
I leave strangers
who feel more like family
than my blood relatives.
We return to our daily lives
and I wonder
Will I remember
what I saw here?
The weight of my routine
will come crashing back down;
do I have the strength to stand
for the truth that held me
in the farthest reaches
of my mind, my universe?
help me remember.
I want my journey to mean something.
I want to remember.
Doors opening to opportunities,
and my efforts blend in
with the wind, the rain,
and those who can help me.
I can’t tell anymore
where my thought ends
and reality begins.
What I see is a story in my mind.
Am I seeing rightly?
Let me go back to original thought,
and behind that,
the experience of awareness
prior to the self
that analyzed it.
Where am I
in all these layers of consciousness?