Category Archives: grace

Gratitude: Day 19 of 48

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Because…self-love…

I’ve been sleeping alone since June of 2017
when my children’s father decided he was done with our marriage.
At first I felt as though I was falling through endless space,
or better yet,
I was a boat lost at sea in a storm with no safe harbor,
tossed around on waves of worthlessness, anxiety for the future,
hopeless and futility.
I survived the storm.
I put my focus on me and my recovery.
I vowed to discover what unconditional self-love is;
I also vowed to become financially independent.
I’m made headway with self-love;
I’m still working on the financial independence,
therefore, I’m still single, and I’M GLAD.
I’m committed to awakening,
to allowing the self within me to emerge
and express herself authentically.
I realize I like being alone and I like the company I keep.
I realized I don’t need a man to be complete.
I am grateful I have this freedom to be me, on my own.

I’ll Call it Grace

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Something beautiful is happening…
I think it might be resilience?
Stamina?
Endurance?
Wisdom gained from experience?
But as I found myself caught
in my monthly darkness today,
instead of falling all the way down
into the dark hole of depression
and believing my life was never good
and never will be good
I remembered that this was a temporary darkness,
and all I had to do was ride it out.
I prayed. I breathed.
I reassured the little girl in me
who was never allowed to feel sad or angry
that I saw her and loved her.
It didn’t change the mood.
it was still awful and dark and sad,
but some part of me knew this was temporary.
What can I call this?
Empowerment?
Evolution?
Grace?

That has a nice ring to it.
I think I’ll call it grace.

Listening to Grace

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Just when I thought all was lost,
just when I felt defeated
and it looked like all my efforts were in vain,
Grace sweeps in and shows me
that all is well, and to just keep going.
When I’ve been looking through eyes
that cannot see clearly,
it’s time for a new way of seeing.
I cannot anticipate the magic of my future
looking through the lens of my past experiences.
My conditioned mind screams in terror;
it wants to know and understand and be in control.
Grace says, “Shhhh, shhhhhh, just breathe. Get still.”
When I listen to Grace, all is well.
I should keep listening to Grace.

The One Source

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The path of grace is elusive,
like the path of healing,
or the path of awakening…
You can’t find IT…
You must let IT find you.
And maybe,
could it be
that grace
and healing
and awakening
are all intertwined,
or better yet,
flowing from the same source?
What if all those
going in search of anything
finally recognized
that we are all seeking
the same thing?
What if we all finally took a moment
to just sit still, and breathe,
and remember
the One Source of Everything?

Another Chance

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There have been many times
this past year and a half
where I was sure
I didn’t want to go on living.
The pain was too intense,
the grief too deep,
the anger too hot,
the overwhelm too suffocating…
and I just wanted to escape.
But somehow, magically,
serendipitously, synchronously,
at just the point when I had reached
the peak of my pain
and was ready to give up,
someone or something would show up
to help me give life another chance.
I am so grateful for the incredible grace
that has flowed through my life,
always giving me reasons to stay alive
when I was ready to reject everything.
I give thanks to the one who knows me,
to the one who knows exactly what I need
to always give life another chance.

Caught By Grace

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I was falling, falling
into deep despair,
deeper than I knew was possible.
I prayed to God,
Please help,
I’m tired of feeling this way
and I want it to stop.
The funny part about Grace
is that it doesn’t always work
on my timeline.
It isn’t linear at all.
It comes when I least expect it.
All of these months of feeling lonely
carved a deep hole in my heart.
At first I thought this was terrible,
but now I know it was
an important initiation
preparing me
to receive the love
that wanted to pour in.
After months of silence,
and in my darkest moment,
friends reached out to me,
and I reached into me;
I saw my worthiness
and my readiness to be loved.
Now my heart is full.
I was falling, falling,
but today I was caught
in the arms
of boundless Grace.

Unexpected Grace

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And then it happens…
out of nowhere,
unexpected grace.
The burden lightens,
my stomach is untied
from knots of anxiety
and I know my place.
I breathe, I remember
who I am,
why I am here,
and I relax into this knowing,
this knowing that is enough
to recognize the expanse
of what I do not know.
I gravitate toward beauty,
because it shows me
the truth of reality,
what matters in time
and what is timeless,
what is dear to the soul of me.
Come grace,
pour over me,
open me,
show me how to
reflect your beauty
back into the world I see.