Category Archives: healing

Ready For More

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When we let go of the idea
that there is something wrong with us,
the stories of fear, deficiency, and loss
can be undone.
We don’t have to do anything
for healing to happen;
as we let go
and surrender our bodies to the Earth,
the healing takes us
and we are lifted in its embrace.
The moments of great letting go
flow into moments of great grace,
and a remembering takes place.
A friend gently reminded me
that my thoughts were creating
my reality,
and my words were amplifying
my experience.
And I saw
I wasn’t telling a happy story.
I felt justified
in telling my victim story,
but also,
I was just plain miserable.
So I decided to rewrite my story.
What will be possible
inside the telling of my dream
for joy, health, safety, and peace
for all beings?
What gardens will grow
and winds will blow
and friends will show
up smiling at my door
happy for friendship
honored to love
and ready for more?

NaPoWriMo 2018, day 30: Just the Facts

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Today’s prompt asks us to create a poem by engaging with a strange fact, or an odd bit of history, or some obscure morsel of trivia.  I tried. Really I did…I read some bits and pieces in all the websites that were linked in the prompt, but nothing really spoke to me, so here I am, just thinking I’m going to write something and call it a poem, because I can!

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FACT: I want to know how long it will take to grieve
FACT: I’m tired today
FACT: I’m waiting for things to change.
FACT: I’m scared they won’t.
FACT: I’m not sure I’ll ever learn to trust again.
FACT: I still have hope.

NaPoWriMo 2018, Day 10: Deeper At Play

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Today’s prompt is about simultaneity.  I can handle that! I can handle this moment,
even if I do need a nap.

When I’m tired, hungry,
wanting to be held, heard and seen,
and my kids are tired, hungry,
pushing for TV time
and I Just want to be a good mom
and redirect them,
When it’s spring but it still feels like winter…
when I’ve committed to myself
to not be sad about him anymore
and when the sadness comes anyway
and threatens to engulf me,
when I’m tired writing this poem
but too stubborn to miss a day,
That’s how I know
there is something deeper at play here.

The Life I Was Meant to Live

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It arrives slowly,
so slowly I question
if what I’m feeling is real.
But then it begins to build
until the feeling is so present,
so there,
that I can no longer deny it.
It’s a mixture of hope, of lightness,
of real pleasure, joy, relief
that things are changing,
finally changing.
After this harrowing, hellish time,
I emerge from the cave
of the deepest, darkest sadness I have known.
I stand naked, blinking in the bright light,
an infant newly born
into the life I was meant to live…

The Guiding Light

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I realized that what hurt the worst
was losing our shared experience
of life together,
raising our children together,
for the togetherness gave me so much meaning,
gave me an identity, a purpose,
a compass, a guiding light…
and suddenly that was gone.
Suddenly we were always at odds…
and suddenly he was with another.
Now he is preparing to leave our home,
a most final step in this process of dissolution,
and the pain gets triggered once more.
I look back on what I wrote,
I turn it around to myself.
What hurt the worst
was losing my individual experience
of life with myself,
raising my inner child, myself—
for this autonomy gave me so much meaning,
gave me an identity, a purpose,
a compass, a guiding light…
and suddenly that was gone.
When I embrace this turnaround,
I can see it is just as true or even truer
that what I wrote before.
Now my work is to live the turnaround,
reclaim my inner child, this Self,
the One in me who IS the guiding light.

Beyond Your Story

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Forgiveness leads to peace.
You can give yourself the gift of peace.
Search in your mind
for those against whom
you hold grievances.
Ask yourself
Do I want to carry this burden any longer?
Really listen to the answers that emerge
from the depths of your truest self.
Your truest self is peace.
Grievances hide this self from you.
Forgive completely;
set this self free from the prison you made.
There is so much beauty in the world
beyond your story.

The Same Kindness

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I want to stop trying so hard to be good.
I want to just touch on
my own inherent goodness
and allow it to be enough
for this moment.
I can see our innocence.
I can see how much we try.
I can see that he is doing his best
and so am I.
Could I forgive him
for having this affair?
Could I forgive his mistress
for sleeping with a married man
who has two children and a wife
that he left to be with her?
Could I see her innocence too?
If I can allow others to be who they are
and do what they do
and love them anyway,
there is hope I can afford myself
the same kindness.