Category Archives: humor

But First…

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It’s a new day,
and I’m going to change my tune.
No more gloom and doom,
there’s no room
for that old story
in the new book of my life.
I’m getting it done.
I’m taking action!
I’m going to forge ahead
and figure this out!
Find a job!
Find a place to live!
Feel stable in every way!
Be the powerful, courageous woman
I was born to be,
set a good example for my kids,
wake up, stand up, look up
and contribute more to my community
and to my world!

But first, I’m going to take a nap.

To Patience

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Ah, Patience.
Why do you elude me?
Why do I want you?
Why do I need you?
And why, when I need you the most,
do you desert me?
I think I may need to learn more about you.
I wish you could visit and stay awhile,
but you’re such a flirt—
you’re here one moment, gone the next.
If you can tell me who knows you best,
THAT one I’d like to meet.
Oh, Patience!
If I could master you,
that would be quite the feat!

NaPoWriMo 2018, Day 22: No More BLTs

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Today’s prompt asks us to take one of the following statements and make it possible. I love stepping into the realm of infinite possibility!  Here are the statements:

The sun can’t rise in the west.

A circle can’t have corners.

Pigs can’t fly.

The clock can’t strike thirteen.

The stars cannot rearrange themselves in the sky.

A mouse can’t eat an elephant.

Guess which one I’m choosing? It involves porcine creatures.
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Evolution happens,
and pigs are tired of being turned into bacon.
They want to live, love, and be free,
just like the rest of us.
So they turn their piggy eyes heavenward and  invoke
the Great Piggy in the Sky
Oh Divine Mother-Father Creator of all Porcines,
let us sprout wings that we and our offspring
might find the promised land,
free of these barbarians who kill us and eat us.
Their pleas do not fall on deaf ears;
the Great Piggy in the Sky
takes pity on all the little piggies on earth,
and poof!
With a single thought in the mind
of the Infinite Creator,
the pigs grow wings and they fly off.
And that’s why, dear child,
BLTs are a thing of the past.

Hang Ups

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Years ago
his mother made
the cutest Christmas stockings
for all of us,
a little family of stockings
with all of our names
that always looked so cheerful
hanging up.
This year he asked
Should I hang yours up?
And I said No.
How can I face
that happy little family
of four
when my real life family
is… no more?
Now I’m sad
seeing just three stockings hanging up
where before there were four.
Ah, I should just get over myself.
It’s a stocking.
I could just hang it up.
Why all these hang ups?

 

PS I actually fantasized about asking his mother if she wanted my stocking back, being that it’s handmade and all and I kind of can’t look at it any more without sobbing.  I pictured myself saying something like, “So I can just pry the letters of my name off, I’ll send it back to you, and you can keep it safe until he gets remarried.  Then you can put his next wife’s name on it.  I’m sure she’ll love it.

I of course didn’t do that.  High fives!  The love that I still have for the woman far outweighs the satisfaction I would’ve felt at being so outrageous.  Plus, with no one there to photograph or film her reaction, what’s the point?

I Still Have It

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And just like that,
Life surprised me.
Just like that,
I was walking in the woods,
finding a spot on a hill
hidden from sight.
Just like that,
I was dancing on a log
in the sunshine,
mala beads glowing pink
swinging in the breeze
dangling from a twig.
Just like that
I felt free and steady
as I hiked back
to the well-beaten path.
I sat on a large rock,
took care of some business.
It became a meditation…
Just like that
a man was smiling at me.
He said hi
told me I was gorgeous
and somewhat bashfully
asked to see me again.
Just like that I realized
I still have it.