Category Archives: parenting

When Will I Feel Whole?

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And so the dark night passed,
and I awoke with new hope…
and then this morning at breakfast
my daughter was unkind.
Eight years old and
knows exactly what to say
to poke at the most tender spot.
I’m glad you’re not coming
with us to Utah.
I was devastated,
hurt and angry…
Tired, undernourished,
and without the resources
to be skillful.
I asked if she wanted the other woman
to be her mother.
A most definitive NO was her answer.
It seems the joke is on me.
As much as I try
even a child can break me.
It’s easy to do when my life was shattered
in so many pieces
and my tears are the only glue I have
to hold them together.
I wonder if I’ll ever again
be put back together in one piece.
I wonder…
When will I feel whole again?

Evidence

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I’m tired.
The opposite of inspired.
I was told by five people
to be careful what I post
on my Instagram and Facebook accounts,
given how social media posts
can be used as evidence
in a court of law.
Evidence of what?
That I’m human?
That I have feelings?
That I’m going through a difficult time?
That I’m completely justified
in what I’m thinking and feeling?
They can twist what you write,
I was told,
and make your words 
into something they’re not.
At first I rebelled.
I thought about our broken legal system
and the measures put into place
to discourage people from speaking up.
But then I remembered my children.
I remembered that I want them in my life.
And the little girl in me
stopped her tantrum,
went back to her room
and closed the door.

Nighttime Self-Pity

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I’m feeling crazy and tired.
Kids are whimpering,
arguing,
resisting going to bed.
There is a mountain of laundry
waiting on my bed,
beckoning me
in a way I don’t want to be beckoned.
And their dad
is at a yoga class.
I ask why
he didn’t want to go to yoga
until he wanted a divorce.
Maybe he’ll find
another yoga teacher
to marry.

Ready for the Light

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Following my body’s wisdom,
letting my mind rest,
breathing deeply,
I spent some time
playing outside
with my two kids,
running, growling,
chasing them,
delighting in their squeals.
The air was cool and fresh
and the towering trees
shone golden
in the light of the setting sun.
And then on the way
back to the car,
something caught my eye.
I looked down, and looked again,
and there in the gravel
was an impossibly large,
pear shaped crystal
with nary a scratch!
I took it as a sign
that the universe
is watching over me
and now it is sitting on my altar,
ready for the light
of the rising sun.

Summer is Over

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Tomorrow is the first day of school
and although I’m not the one going
I have jitters anyway,
for my two kiddos who’ll face
new faces, new rooms, new names,
new structure—were they meant for this?
A part of me wants to keep them home
safe and sound with me
to play all day, soak in the sun,
splash in the stream,
run in the forest…
But another part goes
THANK GOD SUMMER IS OVER!

More Beauty…from Busy Mockingbird

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My heart was so touched by this…a creative mama encouraging her child’s deep imagination to flourish with wonderfully positive qualities, collaboration, trust, strength, sensitivity. What a beautiful world we live in!

I’ve been drawing and painting our daughter Myla for a long time. I was intimidated at first, but she quickly became my favorite subject. I was looking back at some of my artwork featuring her, and noticed how it’s changed as much as she has over the years. My first of her was this one, […]

via Little Dragon Warrior — busy mockingbird