The ground is shifting constantly,
never the same,
so how can I build anything right now?
Maybe it’s time to let things fall apart,
and see what’s left
after the winds of change blow through.
I’d like to have some kind of plan,
a goal, a vision,
something that helps me feel like there’s a future
and I have some control over the outcome…
But this is a war humans have been fighting
since they knew they could fight
and where has it gotten us?
Maybe I’m better off simply breathing
and allowing myself to be right here, right now.
Breathing and being.
Yeah. That has a nice ring to it.
In a different place,
a chance to see who I am
away from what is familiar.
I see that I was wrong
about who I thought I was.
I see that I understood nothing.
All this time,
but thinking I could see.
Is this new sight a delusion as well?
Let me use my imagination for good.
Instead of picturing the worst,
let me picture the best.
Let me say
No matter how this turns out,
it will be more amazing
than I ever could have possibly imagined.
Let me breathe
and settle into this moment.
Let me feel and know
that I am loved,
Let me stand in my strength and truth,
and move forward on my path,
and expressing what comes through,
bridging the visible and the invisible.
Let me remember my Divine Nature,
and never again doubt what is real.
Could I simply relax into this moment,
dive off the rigid, wire thin line of “normal”
and just immerse myself in this ocean of being?
I want to know what it’s like to love fully,
to feel content, at peace with myself,
to look out into the world
with eyes of compassion,
to cherish all beings
with the immense heart of the Buddha.
I think all of this will happen some day,
and then I remember,
it all has to happen right now.
And then I realize
Some day IS right now.
After being blessed in my heart
with the miracle of forgiveness
and seeing with new eyes
for a few glorious, light-filled days,
the weight of real life
came crashing down upon me
and with it the story I had told so well.
It was the story of being wronged,
the story of betrayal, victimization
I have rehearsed it frontwards,
I know it word by word
and line by line;
hell, I could give a doctoral dissertation on it,
defend it before a group of intellectuals,
and I’m sure they’d award me with a degree in it—
Lorien Nemec, Ph.D.—
yes, I’m THAT good at my story.
As the familiar feelings of depression,
heaviness, sadness and powerlessness returned
I wondered why I couldn’t sustain
the good feelings for longer.
And then it occurred to me
(again, because I knew this already)
I’m always at choice.
If I want to change
I need to keep making the new choice
until it becomes a habit…
Otherwise the old choices
will always take over.
It’s time to wield this power of choice
and keep telling the new story
until I’m as good at telling it
and living it
as I’ve been with telling
and living the old.
As I got caught up in another wave
of disappointment, frustration and
misbelief at his lack of consideration,
a voice whispered to me
There is another way.
Suddenly I zoomed out
and looked in on my life
from another vantage point.
I saw myself trying to control
that which cannot be controlled.
I saw myself operating within
an outworn paradigm.
The voice said
What you are being asked to let go of
is nothing in comparison to what will come
when you make the space to receive it.
From this vantage point
all of my life’s events have unfolded
for my highest good
always, without exception.
From this vantage point,
it’s all good.
From this vantage point
I can feel grateful, peaceful,
From this vantage point
I love my life and the woman I’ve become.
I think I’ll stay here and keep viewing my life
from this vantage point.
Things never end up
exactly the way I thought they would,
and often I am grateful for this.
Tonight is one such case.
I thought my party was going to be
loud, raucous, a rager of music of dance…
instead it was quiet, intimate;
we sat around talking and laughing.
Multiple friends canceled at the last minute,
and just a few showed up…
my instinct was to be hurt by the cancellations..
But then I realize,
What am I saying?
Just a few showed up?
I’m truly blessed by those who came.
Just one good friend is a treasure.
I see this and I am grateful.
Help is everywhere,
all around us,
but we won’t see it
if we’re searching for
the help to arrive
in a particular form.
On the journey to freedom,
our eyes need to be set free
from the mind that tells them
how to see.
Our minds need to be set free
from the will that demands
things turn out a certain way.
And our wills need to be set free
from the prison of our conditioning.
Such freedom comes at a great cost:
We must be willing to let go
of who we were
in order to be who we are now.
Do you long for such freedom?
Are you willing to pay for it?
Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. —Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Most of what enters our immediate experience
is there for our pure enjoyment–
the beautiful colors, the sounds,
the quality of the light, the air,
the water we drink, the food we eat,
the company we keep.
The deeper we look, the more we see
what we have to be grateful for.
When you look out at the world,
if it looks like everything is broken,
Perhaps it is your perception that needs fixing.
We all come around
in our own time, at our own pace,
in our own way.
You cannot plant a seed
and expect it to sprout one hour later,
and bear fruit the next day–
that is pure folly.
But you can plant the seed
and tend to it,
create the best possible conditions
for the seed to sprout, grow, bloom,
and give of itself completely.
So it is with each human being,
so it is with this world.
Just start today
choosing to see the perfection of life
for five whole minutes.
Prepared to be amazed
as you look out on the world
with the eyes of innocence once again.
My mind is cluttered,
I see nothing that is there.
I am full of misery and regret
over the past I cannot change,
anxiety and urgency
about the future I cannot know.
And then something wakes me up,
snaps me out of it,
out of the dream of temporal reality.
It might be a breeze
or the bright sunlight
or a sound filtering in from outside
or my cat rubbing up against my leg,
but something wakes me up
and suddenly it all becomes clear.
The shapes and lines my eyes perceive
are so crisp and clear
and there is a luminous quality to everything.
It is so simple and so beautiful all at once.
This is it, I realize,
this is my life.
I feel content.
There is nothing to be added or taken away,
I need nothing to feel fulfilled.
This is such a blessed place to be,
no big deal
and the entire universe
all at once.