Category Archives: self-awareness

Ready for the Journey

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I did it.
I made it.
I survived.
I dropped my kids off with their dad,
hugged them tightly
and trusted it was safe to let them go.
I went to therapy.
I got myself some noodles for dinner.
Back home
I took care of myself.
Got my house in order.
Chose to pack lightly.

Now I’m ready for the journey.

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I decided to take a break from blogging and any other daily activities that I can let go for ten days.  I need to see who I am outside of my routine and what can arise in the space I create when I let go of my habitual modes of being. Wish me luck!

I’ll check in when I get back home at the end of this month. Best wishes everyone. Deep breaths.

 

 

This Is Enough

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What is enough, really?
Let’s ask ourselves this question,
this practical, necessary question.
Because if we can’t identify
what enough is,
if we don’t know what
we are looking for,
we’ll never find it.
Imagine searching
your whole life
as a hungry ghost,
always searching
for more more more,
never discovering enough.
Enough is freedom.
Enough is safety.
Enough is peace.
Try this:
Breathing in,
silently repeat
This is enough.
Breathing out
silently repeat
I am enough.
Really sense the truth
in these words.
Really feel and know
this moment is enough
and you are enough…
but only if you want to be
happy and free.

Nothing to Forgive

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This is healing:
It goes in spirals,
rarely in a straight line,
takes steps, hops and leaps,
sometimes goes so slowly it aches,
wondering how long
it will feel this way,
wanting it to change,
wanting to be different,
asking for patience
when thoughts stay the same
day after day after day.
Hoping for little changes,
giving thanks for what is here,
giving thanks for love, for life.
This is courage:
taking one more breath
when you question
the reason for your being here,
and when nothing seems
good enough to keep you here,
when you want to get away from yourself,
from everything,
when you want to escape
everything that ails you
and you believe
that nothing will help you,
and when you think
becoming nothing
would mean everything to you,
taking one more breath,
and deciding to stay,
you breathe again.
This is grace:
Letting the tears flow
until you’ve been washed clean
of the pain and sorrow
that you have carried
for longer than anyone
ever should have,
awakening from trance
and realizing
the poison and the antidote
always exist side by side,
opening your eyes,
for just a moment,
bearing witness
to the most incredible miracle
of presence,
seeing the flow of existence,
remembering there is nothing to fear,
there is nothing to forgive.

 

 

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giving thanks for love, for life,
you breathe again.
there is nothing to forgive.

No Destination

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I keep wondering when I’ll be better…
I recently added a second session
of therapy within the week,
and that question
keeps ricocheting in my mind:
When will I be better?
When will I be better?
and I wonder then
Hey, what’s wrong with me now?
Is there something so wrong
that I need to work hard to get better?
And then I remember
Life is a process.
It is a journey,
not a destination.
This process of becoming—
a journey, not a destination.
Awakening to self—
a journey, not a destination.
Instead of getting better,
maybe I can simply focus
on living well.
I can enjoy the journey
and accept
there is no destination.

No More

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My mind says “more” is the answer.
More money.
More time.
More rest.
More companionship.
More attention.
More food, more fun, more friends.
More understanding.
More patience.
More sunshine.
More travel.
And here’s my favorite,
after a year of celibacy—
more sex.
But the truth coming from my heart is
this is enough.
All of it.
Enough.
I have enough money, enough time, enough rest.
I get enough companionship, enough attention.
I have enough food, fun and friends,
enough understanding,
enough patience,
enough sunshine,
enough travel.
Now, because I haven’t had any in a year,
it’s a stretch to say
I have enough sex
but you know what?
Celibacy won’t kill me…
I am living proof.
So maybe, just maybe,
I can let “enough” be my mantra.
Enough. Enough. Enough.
I have enough.
I am enough.
Life is enough.
What will I say to my mind
when it argues with this?
No more.

Time For Bed

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Why am I so grumpy,
impatient,
quick tempered?
Why do I keep snapping at my kids?
Why is my house such a mess?
Why do I feel angry at my husband again?
Why does my life feel so disorganized?
Why am I so disappointed in myself
and everything about my current situation?
Oh yeah…
it’s time for bed.

From This Vantage Point

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As I got caught up in another wave
of disappointment, frustration and
misbelief at his lack of consideration,
a voice whispered to me
There is another way.
Suddenly I zoomed out
and looked in on my life
from another vantage point.
I saw myself trying to control
that which cannot be controlled.
I saw myself operating within
an outworn paradigm.
The voice said
What you are being asked to let go of
is nothing in comparison to what will come
when you make the space to receive it.
From this vantage point
all of my life’s events have unfolded
for my highest good
always, without exception.
From this vantage point,
it’s all good.
From this vantage point
I can feel grateful, peaceful,
at ease.
From this vantage point
I love my life and the woman I’ve become.
I think I’ll stay here and keep viewing my life
from this vantage point.