Category Archives: self-awareness

Pray For Me

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Back home from retreat.
I wasn’t given the job
I interviewed for in September,
but was offered another,
at lower pay, with no benefits.
I declined the offer.
It felt exhilarating knowing
that I could assert myself
and make choices based on
confidently knowing
that I am worth way more.
But now what?
Now I need to step fully
into entrepreneurship.
I don’t want to work for anyone else,
I want to work for myself.
I want to get my offerings out to the world
in a bigger way,
and add value to people’s lives.
I want to make it on my own.
I want to be my own boss,
decide my own hours,
work where I want
with whom I want
when I want.
I have no clue what I’m doing.
Pray for me.

Breathe and Remember

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Waiting.
Waiting to hear back about the interview.
They told me the end of next week.
Today was the end of the week.
Nothing. No word.
No email. No phone call.
I was really good at practicing detachment
all week long…
until this morning arrived.
Then I kept checking my phone
every few minutes.
Luckily I taught yoga twice
and saw a coaching client.
Thank God I had work to keep me busy.
How do I practice detachment here?
Oh. That’s right.
I breathe and remind myself
I have no control here.
I breathe and remind myself
I will be fine either way.
I breathe and remind myself
Everything in my life
is an  opportunity to awaken.
I breathe and remember to be grateful.

Tell Me I’m Not Alone

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The doubt crept in.
The fear and the anxiety
threatened to take up permanent residence
in this exhausted mind
beaten helplessly by neurotic thoughts.
Therapy helped;
I could see my old emotional system
having its way with me.
My  therapist and I laughed
at the absurdity of life.
But the fear, doubt and anxiety
relaunched themselves directly after,
and I spent the afternoon
feeling out of my mind.
Do you have any idea
how humbling it is
to know exactly how to help myself,
but feel helpless to help myself?
I’m a yoga teacher for God’s sake!
I teach people how to breathe and relax
and feel better every week.
And yet when the time comes for me
to practice what I preach
I feel trapped in a prison
of the worst kind of thinking.
Someone tell me I’m not alone.

Wide Open Arms

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Sometimes I resent having to do so much work
to wake up, to improve, to become better…
Like everyone else, I just want to be happy, healthy,
have a good life, be at peace.
Then it occurs to me
that the work will enable me to create these things
and claim them as mine.
If the good life were handed to me on a silver platter,
could I accept it?
Would I see myself as worthy?
I’m so grateful for the infinitely generous present moment.
No matter how many times my mind goes back to the past
or rushes headlong into the future,
this beautiful present moment
always waits for me right here, right now,
with wide open arms.

Ready for the Journey

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I did it.
I made it.
I survived.
I dropped my kids off with their dad,
hugged them tightly
and trusted it was safe to let them go.
I went to therapy.
I got myself some noodles for dinner.
Back home
I took care of myself.
Got my house in order.
Chose to pack lightly.

Now I’m ready for the journey.

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I decided to take a break from blogging and any other daily activities that I can let go for ten days.  I need to see who I am outside of my routine and what can arise in the space I create when I let go of my habitual modes of being. Wish me luck!

I’ll check in when I get back home at the end of this month. Best wishes everyone. Deep breaths.