I show up here
wanting to say something profound.
Something about change,
and surmounting obstacles,
and moving through grief to joy.
Maybe a little anxiety
about saying the right thing.
I’m caught up in my head again,
so I take a moment
to close my eyes,
drop into my heart,
My heart says,
You don’t need to be good.
You don’t need to be profound.
Just love this body,
and love this mind,
and love this spirit.
Let this love be enough,
It’s something about the cold wind
and the way the sun keeps hiding
behind the big, thick clouds
rolling through the sky today.
I’m feeling estranged from everything,
as if I didn’t get the memo
for some meeting
and everyone is there without me
while I’m wondering
where everyone else is
and why I’m not there with them.
Like the opportunity to connect
and I need to resign myself
to this feeling, forever.
like I know there’s more out there,
but I don’t know where I’m supposed to go
and what I’m supposed to do.
Feeling exhausted to my very bones,
knowing I have so much to do,
wondering how I’ll summon the energy
for the rest of this day
when my kids get home.
Wanting answers. Wanting comfort.
and knowing I’ll need to give it to myself,
because I am the only one who can
and I’m the only one who does.
It all comes back to this:
When I’m feeling melancholy, estranged,
lonely, uneasy, tired and full of longing,
I am the one I need most.
No one else is here to save me.
It’s up to me now
to be the one I’ve been waiting for.
Things are changing
because I am changing.
Life is more beautiful
because I searched for and found
beauty within me.
I feel more love for the world
because I made love to myself.
I have more to give others
because I gave first to myself.
I am full with these thoughts,
charged up with these practices,
open to possibility,
grateful for the gifts life has given me.
Thank you God.
You helped me get out of my own way
by showing me that I AM the way.
Radical self-approval is the key
to deep transformation.
Just practice loving yourself,
being kind to yourself,
approving of yourself.
The relationship you have with yourself
will completely change.
Now imagine how you will relate to others
inside that space of unconditional love.
I came to realize that so much of my life energy
was being poured into thinly disguised attempts to be seen,
heard, held, cherished, loved…
and these attempts never yielded the results I sought.
I asked myself why I was giving my power away like that.
I asked myself to cut it out already.
And then I asked myself,
Wait a minute…can I see myself?
Can I hear myself?
Can I hold myself?
Can I cherish myself?
Can I love myself?
And I discovered that yes,
yes I can.
I think I’m ready
to try to pretend
that one day I might
learn to forgive
I’ll make believe
that one day
I won’t feel like
some part of me
Yes, wholesome blessings,
a woman celebrating
the month before the 41st anniversary
of her birth
watching the earth
beginning to green
with the promise of spring.
The man who was my valentine
for the last eight years
is with someone else tonight
and so I bought myself flowers.
I am my own lover.
I am my own protector.
I am my own champion.
I am my own valentine.
I love the woman I am.
I love her fiercely.