I come home
not sure what home is.
I leave strangers
who feel more like family
than my blood relatives.
We return to our daily lives
and I wonder
Will I remember
what I saw here?
The weight of my routine
will come crashing back down;
do I have the strength to stand
for the truth that held me
in the farthest reaches
of my mind, my universe?
help me remember.
I want my journey to mean something.
I want to remember.
Who do I want to be today?
Do I want to be this angry, depressed,
resentful woman who was betrayed
by her husband of eight years,
a victim of his selfishness,
worried about her children, her finances,
her health, wondering if
love will ever find her again?
Do I want to be this peaceful, happy,
openhearted woman who was married
to her husband for eight years,
the recipient of his generosity,
grateful for her children, for abundance,
for her health, certain that
love is everywhere, always?
please forgive me,
I love you.
These phrases sound so lovely
when repeated sincerely in your mind.
Now can you repeat them
with the same sincerity
to those you think have been unkind?
Leaving on a journey of initiation.
I took a purifying bath
of lavender and epsom salts,
lit four candles,
called on four archangels
and prayed for guidance.
Let me die to who I was
so I can become
who I was born to be.
Let me surrender what I knew
to make space for what Spirit
wants me to know.
Let me look with the eyes of love.
Let my heart open wide
and my courage be expressed
for the highest good.
I go to sit in ceremony
with the Mother.
I ask her to take me into her arms,
shake from me the excess
and reveal the tender sweetness
of raw, vulnerable being.
Pray for me.
I’ll see you on the other side.
Today’s prompt asks us to create a poem by engaging with a strange fact, or an odd bit of history, or some obscure morsel of trivia. I tried. Really I did…I read some bits and pieces in all the websites that were linked in the prompt, but nothing really spoke to me, so here I am, just thinking I’m going to write something and call it a poem, because I can!
FACT: I want to know how long it will take to grieve
FACT: I’m tired today
FACT: I’m waiting for things to change.
FACT: I’m scared they won’t.
FACT: I’m not sure I’ll ever learn to trust again.
FACT: I still have hope.
This is too much work!
This is the last time
I’m doing this!
as she served us
a gorgeous Christmas dinner.
I was four years old.
I felt really sad,
wondering what future Christmases would be like
without Mom-Mom and her dinner.
Imagine my surprise when
the following year, like every other year before it,
she served us a beautiful Christmas dinner.
Today’s prompt asked us to take a familiar phrase and upend it. I had trouble with that, most probably because I began the poem when it was so late, and I am tired in every fiber of my being. But then the phrase, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” came to me. So maybe I can upend that.
When the stopping gets easy, the easy stop.
Yes, that about sums up the end of my marriage.
Today, it is easy to leave a marriage,
it’s easy to give up, to just stop.
It’s so common now, so normal,
that no one is ever really surprised by it.
But I was surprised.
I was surprised when he came to me
and announced he was done.
I wonder how many people
have gotten sick of hearing this story,
and I feel ashamed for telling it…again.
He wanted things to be easy,
he identified with easy.
So it was easy for him to stop, to just leave.
Meanwhile he stayed in our house
and I was a puddle on the floor.
I’m wondering how I’ll support my children.
There is nothing easy about the feelings I have
as I write about my fears,
but I guess that means I won’t stop.
I won’t give up.
I’m not an easy woman;
maybe that’s why he had to leave me.
And now that the going has gotten tough,
I suppose it’s time to get going.