Gratitude, Day 27 of 48: Surrender

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Let go or be dragged…

When he decided our marriage was over,
I didn’t know how to let go.
When he collected his family, colleagues, clients and friends
and drew a line in the sand,
I didn’t know how to let go.
When he began seeing another woman and spending nights out,
I didn’t know how to let go.
When he introduced our children to the other woman,
I didn’t know how to let go.
When our house went into foreclosure,
I didn’t know how to let go.
And I was dragged. I was dragged. I was dragged.
And it hurt, how it hurt, how it hurt.
But I survived. I began to pray to God
Show me how to let go.
Show me how to surrender gracefully.

Slowly but surely,
Life revealed to me what remained
when what was no longer serving me was dragged away.
I’m finding more stable ground,
and learning how to love what is here, now.
I’m discovering that I’m happier by myself,
healthier living in alignment with my deeper self,
more confident speaking with my true voice,
grateful for the simple things, the simple grace of being.
I am grateful for this sweet surrender to life.

Gratitude, Day 26 of 48: Simplicity

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I’m learning how to simplify…
I can’t anticipate what’s next,
but I can be here now.
I can’t know what will happen
tomorrow,
but I can attend to what needs to be done today.
I can’t know if my friends
will be in my life forever,
but I can love who they are right now.
I can practice this willingness
to stay in the simple present moment
so that when the time comes,
I can simply let go,
simply let go.

Gratitude, Day 25 of 48: Trust

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Trust…this ability to have no idea what’s happening next
but going ahead and trying anway.
Today I had a chance to practice trust as I created a painting.
Two years ago I had a chance to practice trust
as my marriage fell apart.
Every day I have the opportunity to trust the process of life.
I give thanks to the teachers, mentors and guides
who have shown me that it’s safe to let go and trust.
May you trust the inherent wholeness of your life!

Gratitude, Day 24 of 48: Gratitude

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Yep, I’m grateful for gratitude.

Halfway through this challenge,
and I have to pause to be grateful
for gratitude itself.
I began a gratitude journaling practice
years before my marriage ended,
and had made it a habit
to focus on what was going well
in my marriage,
so I was shocked when
my husband announced it was over.
Turns out he had been doing the opposite,
focusing on what I did that annoyed him.
Although I pleaded with him to step back
and look at the good in our lives,
he had made up his mind
that I was the worst wife ever
and there was nothing I could do about that.
I continued to write in my gratitude journal
as my life fell apart at the seams.
I continued writing in my journal
even as the voices in my head told me
I’d be better off dead.
I continued writing in my journal
as I weathered storm after storm after storm.
I have learned perseverance, strength,
discipline, will, resilience.
I have learned how to put things
into perspective.
I have learned that I don’t need a man
to feel worthy—
I am worthy because I exist.
I survived.
And I attribute a large part of my success
to the mindset I developed
while practicing gratitude.
Thank you gratitude!

Gratitude: Day 23 of 48

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I’ve always been a sensitive person,
wanting to understand myself, my world,
who I am, why I’m here.
I’m glad I found my way to my journals;
I didn’t always have someone readily available
to hold space as I explored the contents of my mind.
This ability to tune into my thoughts and feelings
and put them to words
enabled me to also articulate them clearly to another.
When I can share who I know myself to be with you,
and you can share who you know yourself to be with me,
then we create a space for authentic relationship,
whether we are friends, family, colleagues or intimate partners.
These days I am only interested in authentic connection,
with you, with me, with this world.
Self-awareness made this connection possible.
I am grateful to my teachers who led me to this space
of self-exploration through meditation, therapy,
contemplation, writing, being.
I am grateful to know that my Self is bigger
than this woman I am, in this body as it is,
with this mind, with this identify.
Self-awareness taught me that I am this world,
I am you, I am this universe.
Only gratitude now, as the self within me
reminds me that nothing more needs to be said.

Gratitude: Day 22 of 48

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I’m a writer, have been since elementary school.
I’m grateful I can wield my pen and my words and my voice
intentionally,
and share what’s going on with me
in a way that engages others to share their stories with me.
I’m grateful I was taught to read and write.
I’m grateful I can create worlds in my mind
and assign words to the worlds
in a way that will paint vivid pictures in your mind.
Words are power,
like wind is power,
and fire is power,
and water is power,
and love is power.
May the fact of my sharing
help one person know that they aren’t alone.
May these words written from my heart
reach out into the world
and make it a more loving place!

Gratitude: Day 21 of 48

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She has been there, and she has gotten through it.
She has felt deep pain, and she transcended it.
It’s amazing to feel love for someone I don’t know,
and who may never know I exist,
but I love this woman, Iyanla Vanzant.
She took her experiences
and turned them into teaching opportunities,
sharing what she has learned with the world
who yearns for authentic teachers.
That’s true love and true generosity,
and I am truly grateful.
Thank you Iyanla!