Sadness Wins

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Lost. Alone.
Caught in a story.
Rock bottom.
Struggling.
Afraid.
Hungry.
Exhausted.
I tried for a year to believe.
A year came and went
and I’m still struggling.
How do I keep believing
in a chance for better days?
I always want to find resolve
with my words.
I always want to end these poems
on some kind of inspiring note,
some kind of opening into greater things.
Tonight, I don’t have it in me.
Tonight, the sadness wins.

Nothing But Trust

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I was up late last night praying.
I keep thinking about sleeping
but the Divine Mother’s beauty
enticed me
to think about staying.
I kept asking for a sign,
as I was led into spirals
of thoughts and words
showing me where to look,
on which page and in which book,
to see and feel and know
what to resolve,
what to consider,
what to ponder,
what to surrender,
and how to just to BE in this life
as it is right now.
I woke up at my regular time,
sat in morning meditation.
I could feel her magic
working through me still.
Now I find myself
awake in the dark again,
wondering
what she will do with me tonight.
There is nothing left for me to do
but trust.

The Heart of the Universe

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Love is within.
Don’t fool yourself into thinking
you can find it out in the world—
you’ll be searching your whole life.
But sit. Get still.
Close your eyes.
Breathe deeply.
Sense the presence of love
pulsing within you,
where it has always been,
where it is now,
where it will always be.
Know a love
that cannot be diminished
or taken away,
a love that just is.
With a love like this,
you’re at home
wherever you are,
safe and at peace
inside the tender heart
of the universe.

Dedication

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I believe in the way of love.
I follow my inner guidance
in the direction of my most
authentic expression.
I believe in health and goodness and light.
I know forgiveness
and am liberated in this moment,
a spokesperson for possibility
in a mind at home with itself.
Thank you Life
for giving me this chance
at self-realization.
Thank you for guiding me
to reach my fullest potential
for the benefit of all beings,
forever.

Ready For More

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When we let go of the idea
that there is something wrong with us,
the stories of fear, deficiency, and loss
can be undone.
We don’t have to do anything
for healing to happen;
as we let go
and surrender our bodies to the Earth,
the healing takes us
and we are lifted in its embrace.
The moments of great letting go
flow into moments of great grace,
and a remembering takes place.
A friend gently reminded me
that my thoughts were creating
my reality,
and my words were amplifying
my experience.
And I saw
I wasn’t telling a happy story.
I felt justified
in telling my victim story,
but also,
I was just plain miserable.
So I decided to rewrite my story.
What will be possible
inside the telling of my dream
for joy, health, safety, and peace
for all beings?
What gardens will grow
and winds will blow
and friends will show
up smiling at my door
happy for friendship
honored to love
and ready for more?

This Is Enough

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What is enough, really?
Let’s ask ourselves this question,
this practical, necessary question.
Because if we can’t identify
what enough is,
if we don’t know what
we are looking for,
we’ll never find it.
Imagine searching
your whole life
as a hungry ghost,
always searching
for more more more,
never discovering enough.
Enough is freedom.
Enough is safety.
Enough is peace.
Try this:
Breathing in,
silently repeat
This is enough.
Breathing out
silently repeat
I am enough.
Really sense the truth
in these words.
Really feel and know
this moment is enough
and you are enough…
but only if you want to be
happy and free.

All I See

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One year later
and it still hurts,
I’m still crying.
A girlfriend told me
My sister grieved for eight years.
Do I have seven left to go?
I gather proof of their togetherness;
each image I see
drives the knife in deeper.
Friends ask me
Are you sure you want to see this stuff?
It’s for my attorney, I answer.
But there’s a part of me,
beyond lawyers
and terms like adultery,
who just wants to see.
I want to see how he spends his time,
the person he has become,
the images he chooses to share
with the world,
or at least the part of the world
he hasn’t blocked.
I’m on the outside looking in,
knocking at the door,
searching for a new sense of belonging.
I thought he was the door
to love, stability, family, connection.
I thought he was my savior.
But now I look up,
and I can’t see him anymore.
I look up,
and all I see is my reflection.