Tag Archives: asking

Do I Keep Going?

Standard

Do I keep going?
I found out my blog has been infiltrated
by trolls of the one I loved,
the one who hurt me the most.
He read my words here.
Now he criticizes me for writing them.
He claims I could somehow be hurting my children
by being sad.
He says I need to take better care of myself
for their sake.
And I feel violated.
It’s crazy, I know,
but I thought I was safe here.
He never cared about my writing before;
in fact, he wanted me to stop.
He told me I wrote too much.
But now that we are estranged,
now he takes an interest in my words,
so that he can use them
as ammunition against me?
If I shut down my blog
he’d be winning.
I wish I knew how best to respond.


Yoga Mom friends…has anyone here been through this type of situation, where an ex-partner is trolling your online world? A part of me wants to continue to allow him access to the chronicles of my thoughts and feelings on this blog; maybe a miracle will occur and he’ll grow some capacity to feel some real feelings.  Another part of me believes that he has forfeited the right to see the depth of my pain, to gain entry to this part of my consciousness; he has expressed no remorse for what he has done to our marriage and family and shows no sign of letting up as he posts one year anniversary pictures of him and his mistress.  This is ugly and unfair. Do I leave the blog up or take it down? Do I start a new blog where I don’t talk about any of this stuff any more? Do I set this blog to private?  I resent this intrusion. Thank you in advance to anyone able to share their thoughts here.

The Asking

Standard

Who am I to dream,
to believe these dreams could be fulfilled?
Who am I to envision,
to see myself serving in a bigger way?
Who am I to imagine,
to fantasize that the Divine wants me
just as much as I want it?
I have no idea who I am,
but I know that I am not
who I once thought I was.
God bless this journey
toward the unknowable destiny
of my dreams, visions and heart.
Bless the questions that I ask,
that they may swell into
wide open doorways of possibility.
Let me surrender into this process
of asking again and again,
Who am I
until someday
I can understand
it’s the asking—
not the knowing—
that calls life
back home to life.

My New Normal

Standard

Swirls of feeling…constantly.
Will the waves ever let up,
will I always be tossed
on this turbulence,
or should I embrace
this intensity and surrender
to the currents moving through me?
Does deeper feeling
mean deeper experience?
Does more darkness
mean more light?
Tears and then laughter.
Rage and then serenity.
I try to hold myself together,
but who is doing the holding,
and who is in danger of falling apart?
I choose sobriety,
and without the buffer of some distraction
the feelings I’d been running from
hit me full force.
Is this my new normal…
and can I handle it?


New Day, New Hope

Standard

It’s a new day,
and with it comes renewed energy,
and renewed hope.
Can I keep the faith?
A woman said to me yesterday
Faith is spiritualized imagination.

Can I draw from Spirit and my imagination
a scenario that is in the highest and best interests
of everyone, including the one
I continue to blame for my misfortune?
God, give me strength.
Let me see the truth
and move forward with purpose.

I Know There Is More

Standard

I’m feeling sad,
wanting this moment to be different.
I want more space, more freedom.
I want financial autonomy.
I want to offer something that will help others.
I want to step into my power,
express my essence,
create something beautiful, inspiring.
But the depression returns
and covers me in a dark, heavy blanket
of lethargy, fear, anxiety, doubt, inertia.
How to break free?
I know there is more out there,
I know I am capable of more.
How do I move forward?

I’ll Report Back Later

Standard

What if I stopped trying so hard to be “good”?
What if I could allow life to be what it is?
What if I stopped trying to get other people to like me?
What if I could just sit down, close my eyes and breathe?
I can stop.
I can sit down.
I can close my eyes.
I can breathe.
I’ll report back later.