Tag Archives: authenticity

Such A Beautiful Place

Standard

If I can drop a little deeper
below the surface of the mind
that is always problem-solving
and strategizing,
I arrive at a place where all is well.
Don’t get me wrong,
the world is still the world,
and there is still a Pandemic happening,
there are still bills to be paid
and an ex-husband to negotiate with
and a house to clean
and meals to prepare
and laundry to be done.
There is still a heart that yearns open
for a beautiful partner to share love with.
There is still the feeling of vulnerability
that comes with such deep sharing,
and the fear that I will never be met
the way I long to be met.
There is still the exhaustion one feels
being the only adult in the house
with two very active children
who still don’t know
how to pick up after themselves.
Yes, all of these things still exist,
as I am a human woman
living on this earth.
But if I can drop a little deeper
below the surface of the mind
that is always problem-solving
and strategizing,
I arrive at a place where all is well.
It is such a beautiful place.
And this is why I practice.

Honesty

Standard

C’mon, admit it to me—

You weren’t in love with the routine anyway!

You ritualistically grumbled

At the dawn of each new day

And resented the tasks asked of you.

C’mon, be honest, admit it—

You didn’t have much to lose!

Only your attachment to control,

Your belief in an uncaring universe,

Your inability to recognize how blessed you were.

Let’s be frank with one another.

This whole global pandemic is a gift!

It’s an opportunity to slow down and see

The lies you were telling to you

The lies I was telling to me.

Seriously.

Listen closely to me.

THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY.

An opportunity to be free.

To slow down and see what really matters to you.

What really matters to me.

Slow down, beloved. Breathe.

It’s all good, you see?

Craving the Routine

Standard

After all this time practicing presence,
all this work appreciating possibility,
all this meditation on realizing my potential,
I recognize that I’m just as attached
to my carefully crated reality
as everyone else.
When faced with the loss of everything familiar,
I can’t help but panic, mourn, grieve.
It’s humbling to admit
after saying so many times
I wanted my life to change
that now all I am I doing is
craving the routine.

The New Sexy

Standard

I am making peace with my humanness
because not to make peace is insanity.
I have come to realize that the struggle for survival
is over, and so I no longer need to act
as if my life is a struggle.
To truly love is to be deeply honest
and to move and speak and give
from that deep core of truth.
It’s normal to feel tired when you’re working hard
and it’s normal to feel tired when you’re
thinking about working hard
yet feeling directionless, unsure.
It’s ok not to know.
It’s ok to make mistakes.
It’s ok to be who you really are,
without pretense, without the drive to impress.
Authenticity is the new sexy.

I Won’t Apologize For Being Human

Standard

I won’t apologize for doing my best
to create a life I’m glad to be living.

I won’t apologize for sometimes failing,
being human and everything.

I won’t apologize for breathing
as deeply and as slowly as I can.

I won’t apologize for choosing to live
in a different (much improved) paradigm.

And I won’t apologize for needing help
when I’m not sure how to proceed.

Gratitude: Day 23 of 48

Standard

I’ve always been a sensitive person,
wanting to understand myself, my world,
who I am, why I’m here.
I’m glad I found my way to my journals;
I didn’t always have someone readily available
to hold space as I explored the contents of my mind.
This ability to tune into my thoughts and feelings
and put them to words
enabled me to also articulate them clearly to another.
When I can share who I know myself to be with you,
and you can share who you know yourself to be with me,
then we create a space for authentic relationship,
whether we are friends, family, colleagues or intimate partners.
These days I am only interested in authentic connection,
with you, with me, with this world.
Self-awareness made this connection possible.
I am grateful to my teachers who led me to this space
of self-exploration through meditation, therapy,
contemplation, writing, being.
I am grateful to know that my Self is bigger
than this woman I am, in this body as it is,
with this mind, with this identify.
Self-awareness taught me that I am this world,
I am you, I am this universe.
Only gratitude now, as the self within me
reminds me that nothing more needs to be said.

Keep Singing

Standard

The voice clearly said
Bring your guitar and sing them the song.
And she shook her head, thinking, No way.
But the voice repeated
Bring your guitar, and sing them the song.
They went back and forth a few more times,
until she acquiesced.
She brought her guitar, she sang them the song.
And then silence…
So she asked the voice
Why would you have me sing
if they didn’t even acknowledge the song?

And the voice said,
It’s not about them, darling,
It’s about how you relate to yourself
when you step outside your box
and let your voice be heard.
Now, keep singing.

A Single Mother’s Prayer

Standard

Dear God,
Thank you for this day.
Thank you for waking me up again.
Thank you for giving me strength
to make it through,
even when I’m tired, sick,
and all I want to do is rest.
Thank you for helping me to be
the most loving mom I can be to my kids,
for tending to their needs joyfully, patiently,
and with gratitude that I was blessed with children
(even when sometimes I wish I weren’t!).
Thank you for cleansing my heart
of envy when I see husbands
taking care of their wives
with love in their eyes.
Help me to embrace my loneliness,
so that if it is your will one day,
I might celebrate partnership again.

Fill In the Blanks

Standard

Insert something inspiring here:

________________________________

And then something motivational:

________________________________

Something that’s going to get you really excited about your life:

_________________________________

Something uplifiting:

________________________________

Something that makes your heart dance:

________________________________

Sit quietly with these questions.
Go deep and go strong.
Fill in the blanks with answers that ring true.
Then stand at the mirror and look into your own eyes,
and give yourself permission to believe
that your answers are valuable.
Because they are.
Never forget this.

It Had to Happen

Standard

I know now that it had to happen.
I’ve come to this realization before,
so bear with me, but you know how this works.
We keep circling and circling and circling back
to the same old stuff until one day we get it,
and we can finally set off on a new trajectory.
It had to happen.
I was comfortable, and comfort was making me complacent.
I knew deep down I was meant for more.
I longed to be met at my depth,
to be seen and held and loved by someone capable
of seeing my value and loving the woman that I was.
It wasn’t happening, and a part of me grieved deeply.
It wasn’t happening, and I resigned myself to a love
not quite deep enough to be congruent with my true nature.
I yearned for more, so deeply in my heart I yearned,
and a voice said that I was fooling myself,
that such a love wasn’t possible in this world.
I was determined to do the work inside myself,
to search for where I felt unmet and dissatisfied,
and discover how I could meet and satisfy myself.
Hence the meditation, the writing, the reading,
the sewing, the knitting, the kombucha making,
the therapy, the workshops, the trainings,
the research, the practice, the commitment to arete.
I secretly thought I was doing him a favor
putting up with his lack of depth, his lack of vision,
his inability to penetrate me fully to the core of my being,
to flower me open to bigger possibilities,
to take me open to God.
Well if this is it, I told myself,
then I may as well make the most of it.
So I kept going.
And then it happened.
He dumped me. ME.
Me, the mother of his children.
ME, his WIFE.
Me, his yoga teacher.
Me, his partner, his best friend.
He threw me away.
It had to happen.
It took a while, but I see this now.
At times I look jealously at intact families,
and I’m triggered by what was stolen from me.
But then my new mindset arrives and reminds me
It had to happen.
The comfort was making me complacent.
I had to be made extremely uncomfortable
to be forced out of this nest, this cocoon,
this cage of material wealth,
where my needs for food, clothing and shelter were met,
and the price I paid for it all was my authentic happiness.
I look back on who I was and I shudder.
I look forward to who I know I will be and I shiver.
I look within to the one I am now and I smile,
at peace with the fact that sooner or later,
it had to happen.