When I’ve been pushing and pushing and pushing,
bouncing around like a ping-pong ball,
At some point my body says
I’ve reached that point.
My body is saying
Stop. Slow Down. Pause. Rest.
And yet I keep going.
It’s catching up with me.
I feel exhausted.
I want to rest,
but the children need to eat breakfast
and get on the school bus.
I drag myself out of bed;
God be with me. Have mercy. God be with me.
The doomsday prophet in my head says
It will always be like this.
The child in my head says
This isn’t fair.
My body keeps repeating
Stop. Stop. Stop.
It’s getting louder.
And I’m wondering when I’ll get the hang
of single parenting, really.
Some other voice says
Just one day at a time, darling,
just one step at a time.
I think I’ll listen to that voice.
Your mind is always trying to fix things;
don’t listen to it, it can’t see the whole picture.
Your unconscious wounds are pushing you
to numb out, because feeling feels unsafe;
don’t numb out, we need you here, ALL of you.
There’s another aspect of you, the space of awareness,
bigger than your body, bigger than your mind or your wounds.
It surrounds you; it holds you; it loves you and sees you always.
Stay in that space.
Just let yourself be held.
You’ll feel and know that all truly is well.
I love how it doesn’t matter how much
I’ve attempted to stay present but failed miserably…
I love that no matter how many times my mind
hijacked my consciousness with thoughts of the past
or thoughts of the future,
the present always holds me.
I always am here.
I always am now.
My work is to know this deeply,
integrating awareness of the present moment
through bodily sensations,
through the intention to be of service.
I see the perfection of my journey,
how all experiences led me to this moment.
All I can feel now…
Recommitting to creating
a financially sustainable livelihood
doing what I love.
Being willing to go the distance,
to pay whatever the price
to live a life in alignment
with who I am at the center of my being.
I care not for the opinions
of those who settle for mediocrity;
they cannot help me.
I will not ask for permission
to walk this path of living
heartfelt into my divine destiny.
My clarity is my gift to myself.
I don’t need to change what I feel
and I am no longer afraid
of what arises from my depths
to be seen and heard and embraced
like never before.
Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed,
so I live this day as if it is my last,
walking my path of divine destiny.
I was talking with a friend about wealth…
She said that I am far wealthier
than some ultra wealthy people
who have amassed incredible material wealth.
She said that I am far wealthier than they
in terms of my ability to feel happy and fulfilled
and to experience peace in the present moment…
And I got to thinking about my two children,
how bright, and healthy and beautiful they are,
and my yoga and meditation practice,
my work teaching yoga,
the talents God has given me
to write, to draw, to sing, to move
with my heart.
I thought about my bank account,
and although it’s presently modest,
I can feel grateful and proud about
how hard I’ve been working
to achieve financial stability,
several months of sobriety under my belt,
maintaining consistency in my spiritual practice,
gratitude journaling every night,
pausing and appreciating nature in its many forms,
the changes of the seasons,
the fact I can see and hear and smell and taste and touch
this present moment, alive in my body,
alive all around me…
And the connection, the human connection
that my work gives me,
spending time with beloveds who actually
choose me as their teacher,
who come back not because they have to,
but because they want to—
And I realize that yes, yes indeed—
I am ultra wealthy.
A nightmare woke me up at 4:30am;
even with the light on I didn’t feel safe.
As sleep was out of the question at that point
I began to read and lost myself in bits about
blue-zone cultures and longevity.
And then breakfast and meditation
and yoga classes 1-2-3,
finishing at 12:30
talking on the drive home
with a dear friend in Colorado
going through some stuff of her own…
and reordering business cards
and thinking about writing an
“about me” for my website
which has lain dormant for two years,
and a shower, ahh…hot, beautiful water…
and then it struck me.
My daily life used to feel like a nightmare.
I would pray to god to give me beautiful dreams
so that I could find solace at night when I slept.
Now, between working as much as I can teaching yoga
and taking care of my two beautiful children,
my life has become more fluid and easy
and I feel more empowered.
This was the dream I was looking for
at this time last year.
and now it’s real.
Without knowing when it would happen or how,
I’ve lived into a more powerful version of myself.
Today I feel strong, healthy and happy.
In comparison to the nightmare it once was,
today my life feels beautiful and light.
And I am so grateful.
I finish my day
with the satisfaction of knowing
that I worked and lived and loved
just as much as I possibly could.
I envision an extraordinary life,
which is lived day by
I look back and realize
that every moment was guided,
every moment was a gift.
I look forward and savor
that the best is yet to come.
And I breathe into this now moment,
relaxing into open awareness
simply glad to be alive.