Tag Archives: beliefs

Relentless Mind

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I’m curious about this tendency of my mind
to fixate on negativity.
I’m noticing the effects of my thinking
on my body, my health, my perception.
I have read and learned enough about the brain
to understand we are hardwired
to continually scan our environment
for threats to our survival,
and to see pretty much everything as a threat…
it’s how our ancestors survived.
But I am interested in much more
than survival...much, much more.
I want to thrive.
I want to open fully into the light
of awareness,
to sing my life
and dance my joy
and love this place called The Universe.
All of the work I’ve done,
all the meditation,
all the writing, the therapy,
the Twelve Step Meetings,
and still my mind stubbornly persists
in seeing the world as a dangerous place.
Oh my mind,
will you ever relent?

Try Again

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I survived another dark night
and awoke in the morning light
ready to see the truth
I was too tired to see the night before.
I had felt like all hope was gone,
like I had been abandoned
in a cold, dark and lonely place…
the isolation
giving rise to desperation,
the belief that it would always
feel this way.
But the sun rose
and shone its light in my room.
My children awoke
and I busied myself
with the morning routine.
It had felt like the end
just a few hours before,
but now here
was the proof that it wasn’t:
I was still alive,
I had survived the dark night,
and I showed up
with the courage
to try again.

The Truth Is

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For so long the sense of urgency
has haunted me…
Gotta go there,
gotta do this,
gotta be someone,
I’m not good enough…yet—

gotta get better!
Then I can be loved,

then I can be successful,
then I can be happy.
My head spins,
my stomach hurts,
this belief of
Never good enough
always right there,
chasing me, haunting me.
And then I realize
I can stop, breathe,
feel space within me,
and tune into the truth.
No thing is chasing me,
no thing is haunting me.
Although in the past
I believed my erroneous
thoughts and stories were
THE truth—
today I stand in a different truth.
The truth is,
I am a human, being.
The truth is,
I am imperfect.
The truth is,
I don’t have to be good,
I don’t have to be special,
I don’t have to be right,
I don’t have to be safe,
I don’t have to be other than
who I am right now.
Do you know what this means?
Freedom.

Being a Mother

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Until we question our beliefs
we will operate unconsciously from them.
Today I questioned the belief
that my job as mother
is to make my child get her homework done.
I offered her guidance,
I put the tools in her hands,
I instructed her,
clarified the directions,
I gave her reminders.
Then I raised my voice.
Then I apologized for raising my voice.
Then, after dinner, we tried again.
And still she wouldn’t finish her homework.
She said, “I don’t want to do any more.”
I found myself growing angry again,
until I realized that the battle
was in my own mind.
I created this war,
and now I can end it.
I said to my daughter,
“It’s your homework. It’s your choice.”
And like that,
I was giving her a hug,
telling her how much I love her,
doing my job–
being a mother.

Blame the Moon

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I woke up early
to sit and do the Work today.
After a rough night in which
I brought my four year old son to our bed
and ended up dragging myself off to sleep in his,
I was up a little before 5,
ready to spend some time with my thoughts.
After my sit
I stepped outside to witness the supermoon,
a vibrant beauty hovering just above the horizon
as the sun began to show hints of its arrival.
And then coffee, a bowl of cereal,
then my journal open, pen poised,
ready for the Work.
Scribbling furiously
page after page
I managed to bring myself
from resentment over loss of sleep
to gratitude for this sweet life with my little family.
There isn’t some special kind of magic in my pen–
Just the normal kind.
It’s the same kind of magic you’d find in any pen–
the magic to look back at one’s thoughts
and see how the whole universe
is our own projection,
the power to understand
how believing in our thoughts
is a choice
and the will to investigate those thoughts
is a superpower.
I realized, chuckling,
that if I were going to blame my husband
for my loss of sleep,
then I might as well
blame the moon.
And who could blame the moon?

Step Out Into the Open Field of Now and See

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You are not who you think you are,
but don’t take my word for it,
experiment a little,
and see if this is true for you.
Try this:
Construct a box of your beliefs–
ideas about yourself,
perceptions of this world,
your life,
the people in it–
and then step into this box,
stay there a while.
Are you happy there?
Are you happy in this little box,
always staring at the same walls,
the same images,
always thinking the same thoughts?
Are you happy in this little box?
Now try this:
Step out of the box.
Flatten it, put it into the recycling bin–
you can always get another.
And now,
with this newfound space,
look around.
See the world as it is.
See the people as they are,
the universe as it is,
yourself as you are.
Are you happy now?
And maybe you’ll need
to go back inside your box
every once in a while,
that’s okay.
Spend some time there as needed,
but remember:
there is a whole big wonderfully fresh
wildly alive world out there,
waiting for you to step out
into the open field of now
and see.