Tag Archives: birthday

Thoughts On My Mid-Pandemic Birthday

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Today I turn 43;
This body has made
43 trips around the sun,
and it seems significant
that I find myself alone
to send up rockets of appreciation
from my square foot of earth
to celebrate the occasion of my birth.
I like myself.
I like the company I keep
in the quiet moments
when there is no one else
to break the silence,
when I have the space to listen to
the deep music of what continues
without human effort,
what remains,
what hums
when we finally slow down
and accept that
enough is enough.

On The Eve of My Mid-Pandemic Birthday

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Suddenly, normal was gone.
My First Response: YOGA!
I told everyone how to be yogic about this,
how to breathe, take it one day at a time, be grateful,
how to stay in the present moment,
how to be in one’s body, feeling,
loving the ones we’re at home with,
delighting in nature, the rhythms of the day.
Then my kids went back to their dad
and I found myself alone.
My Second Response: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
I wish I hadn’t watched all those episodes of The Walking Dead.
I wish I had known a Pandemic was coming.
I wish I had decluttered my house first.
I wish I had met my soulmate before the Pandemic,
so that we could be inside, together,
sitting by a sweet fire, enjoying a Quaran-tini.
I wish I had been well-established in my dreamhouse
and my dream work and my dream life
before the Pandemic,
I wish I had been so busy being successful
that I would actually need a vacation
and all this social distancing now.
Alas, all I can do is look back and say
Lorien, you were barely scraping by.
You were tired all the time.
You didn’t have time to do anything except work and mother.

Maybe it’s ok to be alone on my birthday during a pandemic.
Maybe I’ll celebrate this breath. This life.
This being here regardless of what anyone else thinks.

We’ll Save Ourselves

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And then I took my mom out
for her birthday.
We went to a nice restaurant,
ate a decadent meal.
Then I took her out
for some live bluegrass,
and I played the spoons.
We sang.
We danced.
And I saw…
We are all searching for something.
We are all looking everywhere
for the most obvious thing
that is always right where we are.
If we can just find it where it is
(right inside us)
we’ll save ourselves
a heap of trouble.
The question is,
do you want to save yourself?

Forty Circles

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Forty circles around the sun
how many more until I’m done?
We never know
how much time we have
and this knowing
renders this moment
precious.
All we have is now.
It has always been this way
and whether we like it or not
each day we are growing older.
We may as well love
what is happening to us,
around us, within us–
because what is the alternative?
We are the Universe
as we know it.
Live so that
at the end of it all
you know you loved,
laughed, hoped
and helped
as much as you
possibly good.

Musings on the Eve of My 40th Birthday

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I turn 40 tomorrow.
I’ve been met with
expressions of sympathy
and knowing looks–
I’ve been asked,
How do you feel about that?
Are you okay with that?
Of course I am!
Whether I want it to or not
the sun rises and sets,
Whether I’m ready for it or not
the weather is constantly changing
and
Whether I like it or not
I’m getting older every day,
It is a privilege to be here,
to have a family,
work I love,
the ability to create something
out of thin air,
to learn,
to have this life.
And one more thing…
As I’ve aged
I have discovered
what a gift it is
to be able to give to others,
to have the energy
to act in concrete ways
that will benefit others.
I’m happy to work tomorrow,
to teach a yoga class
and help my students relax.
Their appearing in the room
is a wonderful gift.
Offering me the opportunity
to share the best of myself
with them is even better.
It’s a blessing to leave behind
the preoccupations
of my earlier years
and dive into the joy
of what is right there
in front of me.
Happy Birthday to Me!
I was given this life
and I am so grateful.

Birthday Gratitude

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The kittens woke me up early
and at first I felt grumbly
but then I realized
I could sit in silence this way
and so I felt grateful.
As I sat, I pondered
how for so long
I have used my birthday as an excuse
to be selfish.
It’s my birthday…
I’ll do less work today.
It’s my birthday…
I’ll take the bigger share.
It’s my birthday…
I’m allowed to act this way.
And I realized that I’ve had it backwards.
Life gave ME this gift,
and it is my privilege to give back to life.
Happy birthday life
I whispered,
and decided I’d be the one giving today
rather than getting.
I made breakfast for everyone,
scooped the litter box,
tended to my son,
put away the laundry,
emptied the dishwasher,
straightened the kitchen,
vacuumed the car.
Each act of giving opened my heart
just a little bit more.
Maybe, by the time I turn 100,
my heart will be so open that
I’ll finally know what
true generosity is,
and true gratitude.