When you’re 42 years old
with two young children,
celibate for the last two years,
yearning for human contact
but trusting no one…
When there’s just $35 in your checking account…
and your AC has been broken for two weeks
and there’s a wiring problem in your house
necessitating running extension cords
from your refrigerator and freezer
to outlets in another room…
When you’re feeling
tired, angry, and lonely,
but you’ve made a commitment to sobriety
to try to claw your way out
of this pit you’ve fallen into…
When the only direction you can go is up,
but you’re so damn depressed that breathing feels hard—
HOW DO YOU FIND THE STRENGTH TO CLIMB?
Friends, that last question is not rhetorical. I quite literally want to know how YOU, you who have made it through tough circumstances and who have come out stronger, how YOU did it. I need some hope. Please share your experience, strength and hope with me.
If I could take a step back long enough
and see that I never needed to worry
because everything always works out
(doesn’t it?) in the end…
And if I could stop, relax, take a deep breath,
p a u s e
Might I see that all the “problems” I perceived
were merely thoughts in my mind,
and that I was fully capable
of thinking other thoughts?
And might the freedom of this
bubble up as a great big laugh,
because all along,
I was the warden and the prisoner both,
and the one who witnessed,
and the space where all of these exist?
Yes, I might just laugh and laugh
and not even notice
how much of a fool
I’ve become in the eyes of everyone else.
I would welcome such foolishness.
As I let go of the excess
the essence is revealed
and so are the steps
to fulfill my deeper purpose.
In this way,
healing has become
a process of letting go
so I can see what is,
and a willingness to breathe
so that I can be led from there.
Ready for life now.
Like the spring,
jumping up now,
trees that were pink
two days ago
are now green.
Everything is changing,
and I am part of that change.
my petals will scatter,
my leaves will be green too,
stirred in the breeze
giving music to all the trees.
Now just breathe,
You are spring too.
Oh my mind,
why so sour today?
You’d be sour, too,
if you were expected
to figure this mess out.
You don’t have to figure this out.
Who told you that you did?
Well, you aren’t figuring it out yourself,
and someone has to do it.
Oh, sweetheart, just breathe and rest.
There isn’t anything to be figured out.
Just breathe and rest.
Take a breath, now,
long, slow and deep—
how do you feel?
Just one breath,
just one breath,
long, slow and deep—
You are peace.
It doesn’t matter how much the winter kills you,
and how dead you are by the end of it,
how pale, how lifeless, how skeletal,
how deeply and quietly you lie
beneath the frozen surface of the earth—
when spring comes,
there is this perennial, irresistible force in you,
that wakes up,
and sighs with the joy and the delight
of living and blossoming,
of rekindling the vital movement
of air in lungs
and blood in veins
and power in voice.
come alive again.
Spring is here,
and it’s time to come out of hiding.
it’s time to live again,
so wake up,
and join me in the garden.
Let’s tend to one another’s blossoming
and celebrate what we grow
in the light of our love and joy.