The tide has shifted
and I’m ready for change.
Somehow more empowered…
maybe my practices have coalesced?
Or is it the clarity arising
from 100% sobriety
100% of the time?
Is it that the Universe has aligned?
Is it that enough people have prayed for me?
I’ve begun to feel
that life is worth living again…
Is it the blessing of a thunderstorm,
cooling the air
after the sweltering heat of day,*
the look in my children’s eyes
as we pick wineberries
by the side of the road,
the hustle back home
as the storm approached?
Something is different.
There is more hope,
more conviction that somewhere,
this will all work out.
*My home’s air-conditioning system has be inoperable since May. If you are from around here, you know how godawfully hot and humid it is in these parts this time of year. If you’re not from around here, trust me when I say that it’s basically inhumane and cruel to not have air conditioning during the summer months…
I was preparing myself
to be alone and miserable on the 4th.
No one had invited me to anything.
I was ready to feel angry at my ex
for leaving me and
taking all our friends with him,
angry because my kids are with him this year,
leaving me all alone.
But then I had a conversation with myself…
How do I want to feel?
I want to feel happy, connected.
Who could help me feel that way?
People who are earthy, who love nature,
who celebrate with music and healthy food.
Who do I know like this?
And then suddenly I remembered a friend
from kirtan and drum circles,
a friend with whom I sat in ceremony.
I felt vulnerable and pretty pathetic
having to ask, but I asked…
I asked if he was doing anything for the 4th,
and would it be okay for another person to tag along.
No pressure, I said, just thought I’d ask.
And he answered that he’s going to a gathering
at a friend’s house…a potluck, with a cacao ceremony
and kirtan…and he invited me to join the goodness!
I have plans for the 4th.
It’s a miracle!
it’s going to be fine,
it really is.
and you worry
and you worry
it’s going to be fine.
Hasn’t it always worked out
in one way or another?
Haven’t there been times
where the outcome
of some difficult experience
was even better
that you could’ve
Or is it that you
just don’t know how
not to worry?
it’s time for a new habit.
Instead of worrying,
how about celebrating?
song of life
from every angle
there is suddenly
so much spring
I think I might
lose my head.
Feeling grateful for
the men and women
who went before me
and paved the way
so that I could celebrate
and really know
the pleasure of my freedom.
I owe it to my ancestors
to become the best ME possible.
After their struggle,
after all they went through,
isn’t it wonderful to find myself here,
a roof over my head,
clothes on my body,
able to attend a party?
How fortunate am I
to have mentors, teachers,
elders, wise ones,
and our beautiful Mother
who has given us all life,
guiding me every day
to live into my destiny?
How fortunate just to be here
able to breathe.
There is nothing else but LOVE.
it’s snowing and freezing rain outside,
but inside there are lilies, roses, hydrangea,
candles, music, dancing, food.
Spring is here,
regardless of the weather.
So when I discover
that I have no real reason to stress
I also discover
that I have many reasons to celebrate.
I woke up this morning.
I sat in meditation, ate breakfast,
felt another cycle beginning
in my body…a time of release.
I taught yoga in the morning.
I taught again in the afternoon.
And I taught yet again in the evening.
I celebrated with colleagues,
even when the old scared part
told me to run away.
And when I took the curve too quickly
and even when my car began to skid
I was calm; I knew how to steer,
I stayed on the road,
and without missing a beat,
kept listening to my friend.
I came home to my children.
My car wasn’t wrapped around some tree
in the cold winter wood, in the dark night.
I’m in bed, freshly showered, warm,
I have many reasons to celebrate.