My body awoke this morning, but my soul remained somewhere in the dream realm. Now I feel lost, listless, disembodied, disoriented, caught in this in between place. It is a beautiful day, so much to appreciate, but this feeling of being lost follows me everywhere I go. I pray for strength to allow these feelings to move through me, knowing that no feeling lasts forever.
Uggggg. Rough day. And today’s prompt over at NaPoWriMo invites us to write a poem complimenting something. This is probably going to be a good exercise for me, given that I’ve had a tough time today and I’m feeling quite negative. Hmmm. Should I try praising the thing I really am not liking these days, which is attempting to homeschool my kids with materials from their public school system when all the kids really want to do is watch TV?
🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 Ah, remote learning, how AMAZING you are! I love being in the comfort of my home with my kids. I love that my kids get to go to the bathroom and have snacks when they want. I love that they can take breaks when they want. I love that I don’t have to rush them out of bed in the morning. And even though I’m pretty terrible at this, I’m learning too. Even though I don’t like coaxing, cajoling and bribing my kids to do each little piece of work, they are learning too. So although I’m really excited for this time to be over, I know that there is enough good here that I’ll miss parts of this experience when it’s gone. Thank you, remote learning, for being a great teacher.
Dear Person who used to be my friend and is now in the process of attempting to jeopardize my employment status at the yoga studio by bringing the quality of my teaching into question and telling the management that you are feeling uncomfortable with the subject matter I’m addressing in my classes: I’m so sorry things didn’t work out between us. You told me you were a colleague having been through yoga teacher training yourself and so I trusted that it was okay to go beyond the student/teacher boundary and explore the realm of friendship. Oops! I was wrong! I was wrong about you. I thought that you were a kind person, but when I started feeling anxious, drained and uncomfortable around you, I decided to back away. I backed out as gracefully as possible. But I guess you didn’t like that. I guess that, like other people I’ve known, you believe that if I’m not for you I’m against you. And now, for some reason, you are trying to take me down, and (like other people I’ve known) you are attempting to recruit other people to agree with you and join you and take me down with you. But here’s something you should know: I have been to the very center of hell many, many times and I have always come back. You can say what you want, you can attempt to take me down. You can even try to bring me to hell with you. You can attempt to create an entire posse of supporters to drag me down, to rake my name across the coals, to convince the world that I’m worthless as a teacher. If you try hard enough, you might even be successful in getting me ousted from my job. I may have to struggle a little more because of your childish vendetta. But you will not win. I will rise up from hell. I will find new work. I will thrive even more. I will always come back.
A girlfriend said, Hey, if we start tomorrow Day 48 will be the start of the Chinese New Year. How amazing is that? I said Let’s do it. So starting tomorrow We will be sharing what we’re grateful for. If you want a boost in your health and happiness levels, you can join us! Warning: Practicing gratitude may lead to better relationships Increased vitality and Deeper Satisfaction with life. You have been warned!
Follow @lorien and @shivati.soulspark on Instagram and tag us in your gratitude posts! We would love it if you would join us to share what you are grateful for. ❤️✨🙏🏻🌈
I really don’t care about the brand of clothes you wear… I want to know what makes your heart ache and which actions you take to honor your own healing. The specific work you do doesn’t interest me as much as the mindset you bring to what you’re doing. Can you work with joy and gratitude? Can you do what needs to be done to show up as the best version of yourself, can you still get up, even if you feel like giving up? I don’t care how much you can bench press— what do you do when life puts the pressure on you? Can you breathe and expand into the challenge, knowing that adversity makes you strong? I want to see your true strength, how you respond to the inevitable challenges that life offers you to wake you up to your ultimate truth: You were born for more, much, much more.
Turning adversity into opportunity… being willing to see value in difficulty, not complaining, but doing what needs to be done. Rewiring my brain is difficult. My brain wants to complain. It wants me to feel sorry for myself, to feel like a victim, to focus on the abandonment, the betrayal, the grief and the loss. It wants me to feel envious of intact families, and look at women with their men and ask, Why not me? I’m tired of being tortured by my mind. I don’t want it to remind me of everything that went wrong. I want to focus on what’s going right. But after four decades of negative programming, I don’t know if I’m capable of seeing the positive.
When it all can change so quickly, when it all can be swept away without warning, what exactly can we count on? When we know that life is full of challenges, unpredictable ups and downs, sudden turns in the road and no guarantees for our happiness and success, what can we really look forward to? I’m starting to understand how our life philosophy matters, how if we can expect and embrace challenge we place ourselves in the driver’s seat… Our mindset matters. If we can make up our minds to view every life event as an opportunity, a chance to change, grow and evolve, we will have no shortage of peak moments. Today is the best day of my life. Today is the day of my amazing good fortune; no matter what happens I choose to make this so.
When the voice in your head needs you to know that you can’t get anything right, when the fear tells you that it’s impossible, when doubt crops up to steer you away from the edge, it’s time to get really suspicious.
The to do list hasn’t shrunk,
but somehow I’m feeling less afraid.
If anything, I have more responsibilities,
but somehow I’m feeling more peace.
Am I fooling myself?
I don’t think so.
Maybe it was waking up early,
sitting in the quiet
while the world was still dark.
Maybe it was the run I took
in just above freezing temps…
Maybe I remembered to breathe more.
Maybe I realized I can trust more,
I can have faith,
I can believe in myself
and the ability to pull through
each challenge one by one.
I don’t know exactly how it happened,
but somehow it did,
and right now, I’m smiling.