Tag Archives: change

Open…Ready

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I ask myself if I can change.
I know deep down I can,
but the evidence is lacking.
They tell me to focus on my future
when I feel mired down in the muck of now.
Miraculously,
I am lifted up by the grace of others.
My mother gifts me with a plane ticket;
friends welcome me to a training
that they’re allowing me to pay off over time.
I’m flying to California tomorrow.
My heart bursts open…ready.

But First…

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It’s a new day,
and I’m going to change my tune.
No more gloom and doom,
there’s no room
for that old story
in the new book of my life.
I’m getting it done.
I’m taking action!
I’m going to forge ahead
and figure this out!
Find a job!
Find a place to live!
Feel stable in every way!
Be the powerful, courageous woman
I was born to be,
set a good example for my kids,
wake up, stand up, look up
and contribute more to my community
and to my world!

But first, I’m going to take a nap.

Enjoying My Success

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It’s finally dawning on me
that success isn’t some
flip of the switch,
wave of the wand moment.
Some fairy godmother won’t descend
out of the sky singing
bippityboppityboo
and make my entire life perfect.
Success is going through the day
feeling super anxious
and remembering a few times
to take a breath.
Success is showing up for the interview.
It’s cooking dinner for the children
when I just want to take a nap.
It’s remembering, finally,
that I am not a victim,
and that I can choose how my story goes.
It’s feeling gratitude regardless,
letting my heart open to the love that is there,
even if it hasn’t appeared
the way I was hoping it would.
It’s showing up on my cushion
morning after morning
to sit and breathe and just be with what is.
Success is a lot more incremental
than I once thought it was.
It’s breath by breath
moment by moment
inch by inch
letting go of my past as I
look to the future.
Ah, now.  This is good.
For once
I can relax and enjoy my success!

Answered Prayer

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I didn’t know…until I knew.
I wasn’t sure…until I was.
I didn’t have a client…until I did.
I had no idea how to trust…until I trusted.
I thought self-love was impossible…
until one day I looked in the mirror,
said I love you, and meant it.
God, I prayed and I prayed for this.
Now what would you have me do?

No Reason For Fear

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I work on the level of my mind
because this is where my experience
begins and ends.
I leave the old behind
and embrace a new promise
of hope, fulfillment, and change.
I can see now that the power rests
within me, always and forever.
There is no reason for fear,
because I cannot fail—
only learn, grow, and become
better than I’ve ever been before.

The One Who Listened & Answered

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On my cushion this morning,
I reached my arms up to the sky
as if some being,
some divine parent,
would swoop down
and scoop me up.
I said, crying,
I’m ready to let go.
I’m ready to forgive.
I’m ready to move on,
I’m ready to heal.
Please help me.

Somebody must’ve been listening,
because this afternoon
I came across some TED Talks
on finding your life purpose.
I was inspired.
I cried.
The tide turned.
I remembered who I was,
who I am,
and I felt a surge of great hope
for the woman I can be.
This evening,
for the first time in forever,
I wanted to eat,
and I took pleasure in my food.
Taking my meal outside,
looking up at the great blue sky,
I remembered
this life is full of possibility.
After my meal
I took out my journal and pen.
The twilight enfolded me
in its gentle embrace
as I wrote words of
praise and thanks
to the one who listened,
and the one who answered.

Sleeping With My Mother

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For the first time in months
I’ll be sharing my bed with another…
this time with my mother,
who is visiting for the holidays.
She came a little early
to help with the kids
while I take time out
for a week long retreat,
God bless her.
It seems odd to share my bed
with my mother,
but since my husband
is no longer my husband
he occupies the space downstairs
with his brand new bed…
when will he share his bed
with another?
It has been five months
since we slept beside one another.
I miss the closeness, the warmth;
sometimes I even miss his snoring.
Does he miss me ever?
Strange, the questions that arise
as I contemplate
sleeping with my mother.