Tag Archives: change

Relaxes and Sighs

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My posts have been spotty of late,
and my critical mind wants to lament
and wail about my lack of discipline.
Then the practical adult in me recounts
what I’ve been doing with my days and nights
and counters the critic with
Now just where do you think we’d find the time
to write when we’re not even getting enough time to sleep?

The critic then makes it a bad thing
to change my routine, to have a different schedule.
It’s addicted to feelings of shame, anxiety, and unworthiness.
It’s saying I need to go back to the way things were.
But things aren’t the way they were.
Not even a little.
Things have changed.
I am glad about that.
I am a part of all things,
even though my ego would tell me I am separate.
I have changed too.
I am glad about that.
I don’t need to feel guilty for changing,
for adopting a different routine,
for using my time in different ways.
Therefore, I am glad to write when I can,
and not a minute before.
(Takes a deep breath and lies down on the floor,
looks out the window at a puffy, white cloud floating
in the blue sky, relaxes and sighs.)

Love More Open

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A part of my healing journey
has been to loosen up a little
on some of my routines.
I have been accused of being rigid,
too attached to my routines,
and each time I felt the urge
to defend my practices
if not out loud,
then inwardly, to myself.
As I began to peer inside a little more,
I could see how my routines were sometimes fillers,
excuses not to be completely present,
because I could check out
as I attended to them…
and so this need to defend my practices
came from anxiety that they might not be serving me,
and the pain of feeling like my time spent doing them
was a complete waste.
Then again…
Is there such a thing?
Could it be that my practices served me then,
but I eventually outgrew them,
and now they no longer serve me
the way they did before?
Could I drop the shame around change?
Don’t we learn by making mistakes?
Can’t I ease up about being perfect, being right,
and instead, can I welcome this moment
with my heart that yearns to love more open?

NaPoWriMo 2020 Day 1

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I’ve been keeping this blog for years now, and this is my 6th consecutive year of NaPoWriMo. Hey, a pandemic can’t stop poetry, good news, right? Today’s prompt on the NaPoWriMo site recommended trying out a metaphor generator. I had some fun with it, but it didn’t inspire any poetry. So, I’ll just be doing my thang today…which is simply showing up and allowing what wants to be said to come forth…

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As I grope for some kind of sane rhythm
in the aftermath of our loss of normalcy
I am comforted by what doesn’t change.

I still grow tired at night.
I still eat, drink, use the bathroom.
I still breathe.

It’s good to know that some things don’t change.

Just Breathe

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Just breathe.
Just relax.
Look around you.
This moment.
Don’t try to figure it all out.
The moment is always changing,
and the understanding you have now
is different from the one you will have tomorrow.
It is enough to just be who you are.
It is enough to just breathe.
This moment.
Look around you.
Just relax.
Just breathe.

Craving the Routine

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After all this time practicing presence,
all this work appreciating possibility,
all this meditation on realizing my potential,
I recognize that I’m just as attached
to my carefully crated reality
as everyone else.
When faced with the loss of everything familiar,
I can’t help but panic, mourn, grieve.
It’s humbling to admit
after saying so many times
I wanted my life to change
that now all I am I doing is
craving the routine.

A Brand New Habit

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It’s up to me.
I choose how I go through this.
I choose my response.
The old habit may be to panic,
catastrophize and focus
on what could go wrong,
but this habit isn’t helpful.
It isn’t life-affirming,
or empowering.
It doesn’t enable me
to offer my gifts to the world.
Why not breathe?
Why not practice gratitude
for what could be
an incredible opportunity
for awakening, for transformation?
Why not envision
a realm of infinite possibility?
Let’s collectively create
a brand new habit called:
awakening to our blessings,
envisioning possiblity,
offering our gifts in service
to the greatest good!

Unanswered Prayers

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Some part of me keeps waiting
for the magic wand to be waved
or some swtich to be flipped
or some magical incantation uttered…
and then
suddenly
My whole life is fixed…
But I’ve been around long enough
to know that life doesn’t work like this.
Which is a good thing, come to think of it,
because how many times have I been grateful
for unanswered prayers?

Gratitude, Day 35 of 48: Difficult People

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Life delivers lessons

whether we’re ready to learn or not.

Sometimes difficult people show up

to reveal to us where we’re still stuck.

We should thank these people.

If we’re interested in evolving,

the most difficult people

are our greatest teachers.

God bless our teachers,

whoever they are,

however they arrive,

however difficult they are,

however bitter the lessons they teach.

In the end it all leads us back

to our own sweetness

and the love that holds us

in every moment of our learning.