Life delivers lessons
whether we’re ready to learn or not.
Sometimes difficult people show up
to reveal to us where we’re still stuck.
We should thank these people.
If we’re interested in evolving,
the most difficult people
are our greatest teachers.
God bless our teachers,
whoever they are,
however they arrive,
however difficult they are,
however bitter the lessons they teach.
In the end it all leads us back
to our own sweetness
and the love that holds us
in every moment of our learning.
Choosing to change
and choosing to like change…
will help smooth the path
of life’s inevitable changes.
And life demands that we change.
There is no way around it.
Every day draws us closer to the inevitable edge
of the great abyss that stares back,
revealing the nothingness of our dissolution.
Who will we become
before death closes our eyes forever?
I take a breath.
This moment is good.
I choose to meet it with gratitude.
Not fighting, but accepting this moment,
choosing how to act, what to say.
Sometimes I’m not ready
for this level of responsibility.
Sometimes I’m full of joy and gratitude
for this opportunity to grow and evolve.
Sometimes I move from
to bubbly happiness
This is what it is to be human,
able to feel so much.
Something beautiful is happening…
I think it might be resilience?
Wisdom gained from experience?
But as I found myself caught
in my monthly darkness today,
instead of falling all the way down
into the dark hole of depression
and believing my life was never good
and never will be good
I remembered that this was a temporary darkness,
and all I had to do was ride it out.
I prayed. I breathed.
I reassured the little girl in me
who was never allowed to feel sad or angry
that I saw her and loved her.
It didn’t change the mood.
it was still awful and dark and sad,
but some part of me knew this was temporary.
What can I call this?
That has a nice ring to it.
I think I’ll call it grace.
For a long time
it felt like something was missing.
I had been a Mrs. for so long,
and now he was gone.
There was an empty place in my bed,
a hole in my heart,
an vacant seat at the table,
a void of presence in my life.
But slowly, slowly,
as time went on,
I faced the one inside me
who believed I couldn’t make it on my own.
I worked hard.
Day after day, I recommitted to my healing.
I began to enjoy the company I kept
in the quiet moments of solitude
when I wasn’t working or mothering.
It’s Saturday night and I’m alone.
The highlight of my evening was a long soak in the tub.
I love this moment.
I love that nothing is missing.
I love that I can feel my wholeness now.
I love that I stayed alive for my healing.*
*If you’re reading this with a broken heart, having gone through a loss of a relationship or the loss of a loved one or the loss of something by which you formed your identity, please hang in there. It gets better. There were so many moments during my separation and divorce that the pain was so intense that I really thought I wanted to die. Thankfully I had Twelve Step Meetings, therapy and a few really good friends who helped me stay on this planet. On the other side of that terrible trial, I can look back and see what a gift it was. I am stronger now, and more capable of loving authentically. I have a clearer sense of who I am, and a much better idea of where I want to go and what I need to do to get there. There is hope, friend…hang in there.
Giving my all
and keeping the faith,
waking up in thanks,
and praying for stamina,
working harder than ever
and singing praises for what I have,
day by day,
living this way,
smiling and choosing happiness
(no matter what)—
life is looking up.
And I see now
how ridiculous it was
to ask life to change for me,
for it to get easier,
for people to be more loving
more understanding and present—
I am the one who had to change.
When I changed on the inside,
when I decided to reclaim my power,
reignite my passion,
and revisit my values,
everything on the outside changed…
and I am grateful.
Always in the process of becoming,
always in flux,
life is movement, not stagnation…
so why do we yearn for
safety, stability, routine?
Our minds are hardwired
for familiarity, comfort and ease,
but our greatest potential
and truest growth
exist just outside of the comfort bubble.
Transcending the constraints
of the life we knew
will feel, by definition, uncomfortable,
as we leave the safety of our bubble
and venture into possibility.
Ask yourself who you’d rather be
as you lie on your deathbed about to take your last breath:
A person who took the familiar path
A person who lived an extraordinary life.
The choice, dear one, is yours.