It’s going to be okay.
I feel that now.
Last year I worked on cultivating trust,
and this year, I chose freedom.
As I trust, I relax into being,
and this moment opens up
and shows me what I need to know….
Or more precisely,
I open up
and I can finally see
what this moment
was trying to show me all along.
Yes. I open up,
and then I can receive
the gifts that were always there,
awaiting my opening.
I open up
and the whole universe is delighted
to shower me with the love and the abundance
that now gets to be expressed through me,
through my willingness to trust and to be free.
Last night, something happened.
Was it sitting in a healing circle
with a vibrant group
of beloved colleagues,
Was it the cacao
administered in a ceremonial way,
calling on the four directions,
ancestors, guardians and guides?
Was it my posture as I sat there,
hands over my heart, swaying,
eyes closed, as I listened?
Had everything in my life
simply prepared me for that moment,
I caught a glimpse of what is possible?
Whatever it was,
I came home,
and although it was late,
I was inspired.
I started making lists
of things I could make and offer,
to bring me closer to my goal
of financial autonomy.
I had visions of my creations
delighting and inspiring the hearts
of countless beloveds.
I actually had to make myself go to sleep…
I was buzzing with ideas,
I am truly free to be me,
and life is full, FULL of possibility.
for the better.
And then, my mood shifted…
and then, I felt lighter,
There was no reason for this;
it just happened.
I give thanks for the shift,
and for everything that came
giving me a reason
to long for change
and the courage
to allow change to happen.
I ask myself if I can change.
I know deep down I can,
but the evidence is lacking.
They tell me to focus on my future
when I feel mired down in the muck of now.
I am lifted up by the grace of others.
My mother gifts me with a plane ticket;
friends welcome me to a training
that they’re allowing me to pay off over time.
I’m flying to California tomorrow.
My heart bursts open…ready.
It’s a new day,
and I’m going to change my tune.
No more gloom and doom,
there’s no room
for that old story
in the new book of my life.
I’m getting it done.
I’m taking action!
I’m going to forge ahead
and figure this out!
Find a job!
Find a place to live!
Feel stable in every way!
Be the powerful, courageous woman
I was born to be,
set a good example for my kids,
wake up, stand up, look up
and contribute more to my community
and to my world!
But first, I’m going to take a nap.
It’s finally dawning on me
that success isn’t some
flip of the switch,
wave of the wand moment.
Some fairy godmother won’t descend
out of the sky singing
and make my entire life perfect.
Success is going through the day
feeling super anxious
and remembering a few times
to take a breath.
Success is showing up for the interview.
It’s cooking dinner for the children
when I just want to take a nap.
It’s remembering, finally,
that I am not a victim,
and that I can choose how my story goes.
It’s feeling gratitude regardless,
letting my heart open to the love that is there,
even if it hasn’t appeared
the way I was hoping it would.
It’s showing up on my cushion
morning after morning
to sit and breathe and just be with what is.
Success is a lot more incremental
than I once thought it was.
It’s breath by breath
moment by moment
inch by inch
letting go of my past as I
look to the future.
Ah, now. This is good.
I can relax and enjoy my success!
I didn’t know…until I knew.
I wasn’t sure…until I was.
I didn’t have a client…until I did.
I had no idea how to trust…until I trusted.
I thought self-love was impossible…
until one day I looked in the mirror,
said I love you, and meant it.
God, I prayed and I prayed for this.
Now what would you have me do?