Trying to make sense of the chaos
I realize I haven’t breathed deeply
in a while so I
and I take a deep breath in…I
and let it out slowly.
Suddenly, there is no chaos.
Suddenly, it’s only this moment,
all it ever was,
all it ever will be.
Nothing to be added to it
nothing to be taken from it–
whole and complete just as it is.
Searching for meaning,
and so it must be made.
This journey of chaos
from birth until death
in a universe so infinitely large
that our precious home
is little more than a dust mote–
if we don’t make meaning of this,
we might die of sheer despair.
So make meaning.
Make meaning of everything you do
from the first light of dawn
until your eyelids grow heavy with sleep.
Every thought, word and action,
strive to understand
the meaning that others have found.
Happiness is within your reach,
and it is here now,
in everything this life is,
in the meaning you bring to it.
For the longest time
I thought I wanted peace,
quiet, ease, solitude,
all the free time in the world
to do whatever I wanted to do…
And of course these things are still nice,
but as time wears on
and I accept that life is just chaotic sometimes,
then I am neither surprised nor disappointed
when I find myself standing in the middle of chaos.
In this centered place of acceptance
I can look out into my life
with the eyes of love
and do good work
with the capable hands I’ve been given.
I don’t need to create problems
by complaining or feeling resentful
about the fact that things haven’t turned out
exactly the way I wanted them to…
I can stay open, be curious,
and with a clear mind observe what is.
Suddenly the moment opens up
into a far richer masterpiece of
color, texture, and sound
than I could’ve concocted
with my limited experience
and understanding of life.
I can laugh and dance with the chaos.
This is it. I don’t need to fix it or change it.
I don’t need to be someone different.
I don’t need to achieve anything.
This is it. This is my life.
I laugh at the freedom and space
that an open mind creates.
I laugh because this experience
was within my grasp for my whole life
but it took me until now to realize it.
I laugh because the experience is mine now.
So simple, so unremarkable, so precious.