Tag Archives: children

Better

Standard

I wake up
and something’s different.
I see the sun.
I’m glad to be awake.
I have energy.
I’m excited to start the day.
I make berry salad
for our breakfast;
the kids and I enjoy
these colorful jewels
the earth grew
for our nourishment.
I feel so much love
my heart might burst.
My home is peaceful.
After the kids get on the bus
I come back home.
What is this feeling?
What is different?
And then I realize
I know what this is:
I feel better.

Summer is Over

Standard

Tomorrow is the first day of school
and although I’m not the one going
I have jitters anyway,
for my two kiddos who’ll face
new faces, new rooms, new names,
new structure—were they meant for this?
A part of me wants to keep them home
safe and sound with me
to play all day, soak in the sun,
splash in the stream,
run in the forest…
But another part goes
THANK GOD SUMMER IS OVER!

Returning to Sanity

Standard

I kept admonishing myself
for losing it with my kids.
Feeling guilty, ashamed,
a failure as a parent.
And then I realized,
it’s normal to lose it.
Because I’m human,
because sometimes I’m tired,
overworked, overwhelmed,
undernourished…
it just happens.
And as I began to cultivate acceptance
for my own humanness,
it occurred to me
that the goal isn’t
to never lose it with my kids.
The goal is to gradually learn
how to recognize my own insanity
as it arises
and restore myself to sanity
as best I can.
The goal is to acknowledge
the mistakes I have made
and do my best to make amends.
And so I ask for my kids’ forgiveness
when I lose it with them.
And as they forgive me
I start to see that I can forgive me too.

What is This World We Will Leave Them?

Standard

I look into their little faces
bright, innocent, sweet
they know nothing of what has happened
and I wonder
What is this world we will leave them?
I think of the ones taken so suddenly
with no warning, no reason,
And I am afraid to see pictures of them,
a collage of the ones who are gone,
their faces so vibrant moments before
and then suddenly…terror
and after that…nothing.
But they live on in my heart
even if I cannot see pictures of their faces
and I look at my own precious ones
hoping and praying
as mothers do
that such a thing would never happen to them.
I wonder
What is this world we will leave them?
The sun will rise tomorrow.
I will hope and pray again.
And I will look on their faces
with love and gratitude,
relief that they are with me
and I can hold them close.
And I will keep wondering
about this world we will leave them.

The Best I Can

Standard

First I ask for their forgiveness
and then I attempt to forgive myself.
I didn’t want to lose my temper
I didn’t want to jump up and down
and yell
and get red in the face.
But I’m tired, and sick, and human,
and sometimes I just lose it.
The critic said to me,
See? Five years of daily meditation
have done nothing for you.
You still lose your temper.
You are an imposter.
I said to the critic
If you think this is bad,
imagine how I’d be without meditation.
And then I forgave myself.
For what?
For listening to the voice
that told me I should have done better
than I was able to do.
I am, like everyone else on this blessed planet,
doing the best I can.