Tag Archives: children

In Between

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In Between

I made many, many trips between my old house and my new house today

Loading the Prius with box after box of books,

then fabric, then toys.

The most important things are over there now…

Meditation cushion, singing bowl,

guitar, journal, pens, crystals…

But here we are still, at our old place,

Because the biggest things are here.

Then it occurs to me…actually,

The most important things are not things,

But my beautiful children,

who daily remind me what life is all about.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to be with them tonight…

Knowing that in the in-between place,

We still have each other.

Better

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I wake up
and something’s different.
I see the sun.
I’m glad to be awake.
I have energy.
I’m excited to start the day.
I make berry salad
for our breakfast;
the kids and I enjoy
these colorful jewels
the earth grew
for our nourishment.
I feel so much love
my heart might burst.
My home is peaceful.
After the kids get on the bus
I come back home.
What is this feeling?
What is different?
And then I realize
I know what this is:
I feel better.

Summer is Over

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Tomorrow is the first day of school
and although I’m not the one going
I have jitters anyway,
for my two kiddos who’ll face
new faces, new rooms, new names,
new structure—were they meant for this?
A part of me wants to keep them home
safe and sound with me
to play all day, soak in the sun,
splash in the stream,
run in the forest…
But another part goes
THANK GOD SUMMER IS OVER!

Returning to Sanity

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I kept admonishing myself
for losing it with my kids.
Feeling guilty, ashamed,
a failure as a parent.
And then I realized,
it’s normal to lose it.
Because I’m human,
because sometimes I’m tired,
overworked, overwhelmed,
undernourished…
it just happens.
And as I began to cultivate acceptance
for my own humanness,
it occurred to me
that the goal isn’t
to never lose it with my kids.
The goal is to gradually learn
how to recognize my own insanity
as it arises
and restore myself to sanity
as best I can.
The goal is to acknowledge
the mistakes I have made
and do my best to make amends.
And so I ask for my kids’ forgiveness
when I lose it with them.
And as they forgive me
I start to see that I can forgive me too.

What is This World We Will Leave Them?

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I look into their little faces
bright, innocent, sweet
they know nothing of what has happened
and I wonder
What is this world we will leave them?
I think of the ones taken so suddenly
with no warning, no reason,
And I am afraid to see pictures of them,
a collage of the ones who are gone,
their faces so vibrant moments before
and then suddenly…terror
and after that…nothing.
But they live on in my heart
even if I cannot see pictures of their faces
and I look at my own precious ones
hoping and praying
as mothers do
that such a thing would never happen to them.
I wonder
What is this world we will leave them?
The sun will rise tomorrow.
I will hope and pray again.
And I will look on their faces
with love and gratitude,
relief that they are with me
and I can hold them close.
And I will keep wondering
about this world we will leave them.