At the end of the day,
if I can say I did my best,
well then, this must be good enough.
Sure, my credit cards are maxed,
there’s next to nothing in my checking account,
and I keep asking my mom for grocery money.
But there is a roof over my head,
my children are clean, fed and in bed,
and I’m breathing.
This is good enough.
Who do I want to be today?
Do I want to be this angry, depressed,
resentful woman who was betrayed
by her husband of eight years,
a victim of his selfishness,
worried about her children, her finances,
her health, wondering if
love will ever find her again?
Do I want to be this peaceful, happy,
openhearted woman who was married
to her husband for eight years,
the recipient of his generosity,
grateful for her children, for abundance,
for her health, certain that
love is everywhere, always?
After being blessed in my heart
with the miracle of forgiveness
and seeing with new eyes
for a few glorious, light-filled days,
the weight of real life
came crashing down upon me
and with it the story I had told so well.
It was the story of being wronged,
the story of betrayal, victimization
I have rehearsed it frontwards,
I know it word by word
and line by line;
hell, I could give a doctoral dissertation on it,
defend it before a group of intellectuals,
and I’m sure they’d award me with a degree in it—
Lorien Nemec, Ph.D.—
yes, I’m THAT good at my story.
As the familiar feelings of depression,
heaviness, sadness and powerlessness returned
I wondered why I couldn’t sustain
the good feelings for longer.
And then it occurred to me
(again, because I knew this already)
I’m always at choice.
If I want to change
I need to keep making the new choice
until it becomes a habit…
Otherwise the old choices
will always take over.
It’s time to wield this power of choice
and keep telling the new story
until I’m as good at telling it
and living it
as I’ve been with telling
and living the old.
let it flow.
let it go.
Sometimes the hurry
leads to a flurry
of neurotic tendencies,
at productivity lost.
When you slow down,
you see more,
you hear more,
you are present.
When you know
why you’re doing
what you’re doing,
it informs the how.
and be purposeful.
Time doesn’t matter
when you’re living
from your essence.
Make the empowered choice.
And which one is the empowered choice?
Think of your options,
and sense in your body the one
that leaps up with a solid yes.
Choose the yes.
When you tune into
your body’s intuition,
it will lead you to
the most empowered choice.
Don’t believe me?
Try it out.
For one week,
make the choices that feel the best.
Drop the shoulds,
the stories of obligation,
Feel into each moment,
and let your body tell you
will propel you forward
into your true heart’s destiny.
Then report back to me.
You’d think after all this time
I’d have the sanity
after he’s had too much wine.
But my ego was bruised
and I guess my mind confused
which course of action
would lead to resolution
and which to more confusion.
When my fear speaks louder
than the quiet wisdom within
it’s time to shut my mouth
and retreat far away
from the din of those
who know not
that silence is an option.
There are always reasons to be grateful;
search for them if they’re not obvious.
It will always be worth your effort
to search for reasons to be grateful
rather than dwelling on reasons to complain.
It may sound simple,
but sometimes the simplest truths
are the most challenging to apply in real life.
Dedicate your life to living this truth.
It will be a life well-lived.