A gathering of beautiful friends brings me back to a natural rhythm, closer to my true nature, more authentic. Food prepared consciously nourishes our bodies and souls. Sitting with beloveds and sharing a meal attunes us collectively to our shared visions. Moving into a mode of celebration opens our eyes to the abundance that is here now, opens our hearts to the recognition that it is a gift to be alive. I choose to move towards those who are willing to recognize the good in their lives. Those who give thanks are way more fun to be around than those who can’t see any reason to be grateful! I’m glad to be one of the happy ones who chooses to see the good in life. I am blessed to openly celebrate how wonderful it is to be alive.
Well, I did it again! Returning home this afternoon after teaching two yoga classes; my music director neighbor was outside and mentioned a choral concert he was conducting at a church downtown, one hour after my evening workshop was finished. I think I can make it, I told him. But I may be kind of blahhhhh; I’ve had a busy weekend. Well, he said, We’ll see ya when we see ya! I taught my workshop, and my impulse was to go straight home and once again feel lonely and sorry for myself. Don’t go to the city the anxious one in me said, You’ll have to worry about parking and you’re a women by herself at night. I made myself go. I forced myself. I found parking not far from the church, arrived early, found a seat in the front row. The music was so beautiful I cried. Afterwards I gave my neighnor a hug, thanked him for the invitation. Home now, freshly showered, safe and warm, I’m so grateful I didn’t listen to the anxious voice telling me not to go. I think I’m on a roll!
It’s amazing what can happen when you get over yourself and try something new. I made myself get out tonight, even though a part of me just wanted to stay home and feel lonely and depressed. I made myself get out tonight to attend the yoga studio holiday party. I took the staff yoga class, and ate some yummy vegan food; I even won a gift card in a raffle! I sat and ate, and multiple people actually sat down next to me and talked to me! It felt good to connect. It felt good to be out, to be in the presence of kind souls making merry. Yes, it’s amazing what can happen when you get over yourself and try something new.
This evening at dusk I hiked down to the reservoir, admired the beauty of the water, the sky, the play of light on everything, the way the breeze was ruffling my hair… I put in my ear buds, played a medicine song* on my phone and sang along. I stepped barefoot onto some rock slabs that sloped into the water, stretched my arms to the sky. Then I began to dance. I felt so wonderful and free. Then I noticed across the way, on the other side of the water, maybe fifty yards away someone was sitting there on an outcropping of rock with a dog, watching me. A young man, he was too far away for me to tell how old…maybe a teenager? And guess what? I KEPT DANCING. I thought to myself, Well, he gets to be entertained, then. And I kept dancing, and doing yoga, because it felt good. I just kept singing and dancing, and he just kept watching me from across the water, with his dog. I danced unselfconsciously. I danced for the wind and the water and for my heart that was yearning open in the setting sun. I danced for the woman who grieved for two years the loss of her husband’s love and who is now free to love herself better than any man ever has. Then the breeze picked up as twilight descended. I collected my things, slipped my shoes back on, ready to hike back up to my car. I turned around to see the young man across the water beginning his climb up the rocks with his dog. I put my hands together at my heart and bowed to him. I silently wished that he would find his heart’s true joy. I’ll never know who my audience of one was… I’m just glad that I kept dancing. ✨ ✨ ✨ *I listened to “Healing Angels,” “Amataye,” and “Ayahuasca Takimuki” from the Sacred Valley Tribe collection of medicine songs.
As it is, this moment is complete. There are no missing pieces. Are you are, you are complete, There are no missing pieces. As it is, the universe is complete. There are no missing pieces. As we are, our connection is complete. There are no missing pieces.
If it were easy to train your brain everyone would be doing it. It is, in fact, one of the most difficult things to do in the world. When you install a new habit, you are actually changing the physical structure of your brain. New circuits are created, old ones are pruned. While the new is being established the old seems to redouble its efforts to keep you the way you’ve always been. We equate familiarity with safety even when the familiar is killing us. If you are trying to replace an old unhealthy habit with a new healthy one I hope you know how strong you are. I hope you can take moments to celebrate yourself for living all the way to this point and for taking charge of the way your future will take shape by attending to this now. Happy brain training, friends… my beautiful, strong, courageous friends.
I was preparing myself to be alone and miserable on the 4th. No one had invited me to anything. I was ready to feel angry at my ex for leaving me and taking all our friends with him, angry because my kids are with him this year, leaving me all alone. But then I had a conversation with myself… How do I want to feel? I want to feel happy, connected. Who could help me feel that way? People who are earthy, who love nature, who celebrate with music and healthy food. Who do I know like this? Hmmmm… And then suddenly I remembered a friend from kirtan and drum circles, a friend with whom I sat in ceremony. I felt vulnerable and pretty pathetic having to ask, but I asked… I asked if he was doing anything for the 4th, and would it be okay for another person to tag along. No pressure, I said, just thought I’d ask. And he answered that he’s going to a gathering at a friend’s house…a potluck, with a cacao ceremony and kirtan…and he invited me to join the goodness! YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I have plans for the 4th. It’s a miracle! (HAPPY DANCE)
The day started tensely caught in my head as I drove my children down to the city where the man who was once my husband lives with the woman he left me for After droping my kids off I screamed some things in my car that I won’t repeat here in polite company. I taught two lovely groups of yoga students, came home, felt exhausted. Then a girlfriend invited us out to spend the afternoon at the pool with her and her kids. I really didn’t want to go, but I forced myself to. And then… I spent time with my friend, watched our children playing, ate food that was offered to me, enjoyed the sun, the perfect day. Now I’m so tired but so calm and happy. And grateful for this wonderful, simple day.