Tag Archives: connection

Home

Standard

My cup is spilling over,
with joy, gratitude, connection.
I have arrived fully in this moment,
standing in the center of my self.
The one who sought fulfillment,
the one who wanted to be loved,
the one who longed to be seen, heard and held,
the one who desired safety, protection,
the one who wished to be taken care of,
the one who yearned to know God’s love—
that one takes a deep breath,
smiles,
looks around,
and knows that she is home.

Life Surprised Me

Standard

I thought I knew what I was thinking.
I had built up so many stories about her.
I had judged her.
I had replayed in my head
the scene of our last interaction
hundreds, if not thousands, of times.
I thought that it would be terrible
seeing her again.
I felt guarded and justified in my disconnect.
And there she was today, quiet, listening intently.
She gave me a hug. She smiled.
I felt brave. I shared.
She shared.
She had been doing the work too;
I could see it on her face.
I realized
She is so much like me
and I like who I see.
I actually enjoy being with her.
She isn’t who I thought she was.
I’m glad she’s here.
Life surprised me today.
I thought her visit was going to be terrible.
It ended up being a miracle.

How To Avoid Suicide

Standard

It feels too hard,
and I don’t want to try any more.
I want to quit, to give up,
to run away,
shut the world out,
shut down,
close my eyes
and never wake up.
********
Breathe.
BREATHE.
BREATHE NOW.
********
Call a friend.
Let them listen.
Cry.
Cry more.
Cry even more.
Thank your friend for listening.
Let your friend pray for you.
Cry while she prays.
Cry when she stops praying.
Thank your friend for her prayers.
*********
Now. Make lunch.
A picnic lunch.
Pack it up.
*********
Now take your kids and go outside.
Meet up with a young woman
who has gone through similar struggles.
Listen.
Hear her.
Listen more.
See that you struggled
so that you could understand her,
see her,
help her.
HELP HER.
*********
Get out of your head
and into your heart.
Think about someone else.
Realize your struggles weren’t in vain,
because you can help someone
move through theirs
with more grace and ease.
**********
Drive back home.
Take a shower.
Make dinner.
Read your kids a bedtime story.
Write in your gratitude journal.
Go to bed.
There, you did it.
You made it through another day.
**********
NOW,
REST.

Grace, Magic, Life

Standard

Feeling grateful for unexpected grace,
the way the light shines just so
as the sun begins to set,
the way my son dances as he eats
and the way my daughter
sees everything as alive.
This evening I was filled
with the light and the kindness
of beloveds in a virtual meditation circle;
The miracle of technology unfolds,
and here we are instantly connected—
women from all over:
California, Canada,
New Mexico, New Jersey,
Colorado, Maryland, Australia…
Just like that we see one another’s faces,
we hear one another’s laughter,
we get to share this one vibrant moment
of existence on planet Earth.
When I get out of my head
and drop into my heart,
the problems set on the stage
of linear time and linear mind
just disappear,
and I’m left with the wonder and awe
and innocence of a child.
Thank you, Sweet Spirit,
for this moment of grace.
Thank you, Sweet Spirit,
for the magic of life.

Deep Loneliness is Our Offering

Standard

There is a deep loneliness in me

and I can remember it being there since

fourth grade at least,

this feeling of being alone

no matter how many people are around,

of being invisible, unseen

even when others say my name,

address me.

This loneliness eats away at me…

something about being different, unworthy…

and I want to answer it.

I want to say,

But see? I have students who listen to me.

But my students always go home,

and eventually I find myself alone again.

For a few years marriage and motherhood

precluded the possibility of being truly alone,

but since he left me, I find myself

without my children half of the time,

and that’s when I feel most lonely.

Yes, yes, yes you self-helpers out there,

I know I need to be a friend to myself,

love myself, court myself,

make love to myself, welcome myself,

YES YES YES I know all this already.

No use reminding me.

The fact that I can know

and not implement this knowing

makes me even more lonely.

What will help me?

Even in the darkest moments

of loneliness and isolation

one thing I know…

I am not the only one

feeling this lonely.

Maybe we can share

in our loneliness, together.

All over this world,

hearts reaching out

with threads of longing for connection,

could we wrap this world

in our longing

and know the breadth and depth of our work?

Maybe our loneliness

is our offering…

 

 

 

Whole Regardless

Standard

What is this yearning,
this longing for connection,
for closeness?
I can’t find what I seek outside of myself.
There is no one out there
who could fill the need within me.
There is a gaping hole in my heart
Left by the one
who said I do,
and then who retracted
his willingness
to explore our togetherness
eight years later,
saying
I don’t anymore.
But is this even true?
Was there ever a heart to break?
Or was there just an aching need
for wholeness?
Maybe he didn’t really leave a hole…
Maybe he left me to find out
that I am always whole,
regardless.

True Union

Standard

Awake early after going to bed late
and I feel just fine.
My spirit calls me out of slumber
to commune in quiet
with the best part of my Self—
the precious treasure
at the center of my being.
This treasure is yours too,
the Universal Soul
that moves and expresses itself
through all of us.
Maybe one morning
you’ll rise too
and meet me
in the place
where past, present and future converge,
in the place
where true union is possible.