Tag Archives: connection

I Kept Dancing

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This evening at dusk
I hiked down to the reservoir,
admired the beauty of the water,
the sky, the play of light on everything,
the way the breeze was ruffling my hair…
I put in my ear buds,
played a medicine song* on my phone
and sang along.
I stepped barefoot onto some rock slabs
that sloped into the water,
stretched my arms to the sky.
Then I began to dance.
I felt so wonderful and free.
Then I noticed across the way,
on the other side of the water,
maybe fifty yards away
someone was sitting there
on an outcropping of rock with a dog,
watching me.
A young man, he was too far away
for me to tell how old…maybe a teenager?
And guess what?
I KEPT DANCING.
I thought to myself,
Well, he gets to be entertained, then.
And I kept dancing, and doing yoga,
because it felt good.
I just kept singing and dancing,
and he just kept watching me
from across the water, with his dog.
I danced unselfconsciously.
I danced for the wind and the water
and for my heart that was yearning open
in the setting sun.
I danced for the woman who grieved for two years
the loss of her husband’s love
and who is now free to love herself
better than any man ever has.
Then the breeze picked up
as twilight descended.
I collected my things, slipped my shoes back on,
ready to hike back up to my car.
I turned around to see the young man across the water
beginning his climb up the rocks with his dog.
I put my hands together at my heart and bowed to him.
I silently wished that he would find his heart’s true joy.
I’ll never know who my audience of one was…
I’m just glad that I kept dancing.



*I listened to “Healing Angels,” “Amataye,” and “Ayahuasca Takimuki” from the Sacred Valley Tribe collection of medicine songs.

Brain Training

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If it were easy to train your brain
everyone would be doing it.
It is, in fact, one of the most
difficult things to do in the world.
When you install a new habit,
you are actually changing the
physical structure of your brain.
New circuits are created,
old ones are pruned.
While the new is being established
the old seems to redouble its efforts
to keep you the way you’ve always been.
We equate familiarity with safety
even when the familiar is killing us.
If you are trying to replace
an old unhealthy habit
with a new healthy one
I hope you know how strong you are.
I hope you can take moments
to celebrate yourself
for living all the way to this point
and for taking charge
of the way your future will take shape
by attending to this now.
Happy brain training, friends…
my beautiful, strong, courageous friends.

A Miracle for the Fourth

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I was preparing myself
to be alone and miserable on the 4th.
No one had invited me to anything.
I was ready to feel angry at my ex
for leaving me and
taking all our friends with him,
angry because my kids are with him this year,
leaving me all alone.
But then I had a conversation with myself…
How do I want to feel?
I want to feel happy, connected.
Who could help me feel that way?
People who are earthy, who love nature,
who celebrate with music and healthy food.
Who do I know like this?

Hmmmm…
And then suddenly I remembered a friend
from kirtan and drum circles,
a friend with whom I sat in ceremony.
I felt vulnerable and pretty pathetic
having to ask, but I asked…
I asked if he was doing anything for the 4th,
and would it be okay for another person to tag along.
No pressure, I said, just thought I’d ask.
And he answered that he’s going to a gathering
at a friend’s house…a potluck, with a cacao ceremony
and kirtan…and he invited me to join the goodness!
YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I have plans for the 4th.
It’s a miracle!
(HAPPY DANCE)

This Wonderful, Simple Day

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The day started
tensely
caught in my head
as I drove my children
down to the city
where the man who was once my husband
lives with the woman he left me for
After droping my kids off
I screamed some things in my car
that I won’t repeat here
in polite company.
I taught two lovely groups of yoga students,
came home, felt
exhausted.
Then a girlfriend invited us out
to spend the afternoon at the pool
with her and her kids.
I really didn’t want to go,
but I forced myself to.
And then…
I spent time with my friend,
watched our children playing,
ate food that was offered to me,
enjoyed the sun,
the perfect day.
Now I’m so tired
but so calm and happy.
And grateful for this wonderful,
simple day.

Trust In This Moment

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Back from a healing ceremony
where many tears were shed
and songs were sung
and layers upon layers
of old outworn behaviors
and patterns of thinking
were peeled up and released.
I pray that I can stay clear and open.
I recognized in the middle of ceremony
that there is nothing to escape from…
that this desire to get away
is an old survival mechanism
that no longer helps me.
I sat up tall and still
in the middle of extreme discomfort
And I heard Spirit whispering to me
Stop fighting. Just surrender.
Let grace move through you.
Let go. Release. Trust.

It was a long night.
Neural circuitry was being rewired.
Birth can be so painful.
I just wanted to be free
from the grip of my fear
and the stranglehold of my past.
I kept breathing throught this desire for freedom,
kept breathing through my fear,
my doubt, my judgment.
Finally, finally,
I came to see that no matter what arises
in my experience
it is always here to serve my awakening.
If I can just remember that one thing,
I could maybe, just maybe,
learn to trust in this moment.