Tag Archives: consciousness

Enjoying My Success

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It’s finally dawning on me
that success isn’t some
flip of the switch,
wave of the wand moment.
Some fairy godmother won’t descend
out of the sky singing
bippityboppityboo
and make my entire life perfect.
Success is going through the day
feeling super anxious
and remembering a few times
to take a breath.
Success is showing up for the interview.
It’s cooking dinner for the children
when I just want to take a nap.
It’s remembering, finally,
that I am not a victim,
and that I can choose how my story goes.
It’s feeling gratitude regardless,
letting my heart open to the love that is there,
even if it hasn’t appeared
the way I was hoping it would.
It’s showing up on my cushion
morning after morning
to sit and breathe and just be with what is.
Success is a lot more incremental
than I once thought it was.
It’s breath by breath
moment by moment
inch by inch
letting go of my past as I
look to the future.
Ah, now.  This is good.
For once
I can relax and enjoy my success!

Choose Well

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I can get excited about what’s coming,
I can dwell in the past,
or I can rest in awareness of my awareness
in this present moment.
One is creative and incites me to action.
One recreates the hunger of anxious places.
One allows me to see my Universe
from a broader perspective.
Where I go in my mind is my choice.
May I choose well.

I Think I Can

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Resisting the broken places
won’t heal them;
they’ll only get louder and more broken.
But how to love what hurts?
How to accept that these feelings are here
to be embraced as they’ve never been before?*
You must trust.
But how do I trust
when all evidence points to
nothing trustworthy in the universe?
You must have faith.
But how do I have faith
when it feels like
I’ve been brought to the pit of hell
and abandoned there?
You must love.
But how do I love
when all I feel is anger, sadness, and loneliness?
You must breathe.
Okay.
I think I can do that.

 

 

*An idea from Matt Kahn’s book, Whatever Arises, LOVE That

Easy As Breathing

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I want to trust.
I want to have faith.
How do I do it?
I keep trying so hard,
but I end up scared,
feeling alone,
confused,
frustrated,
blocked.
This moment is a new start.
Can you breathe?
Yes.
Ok, so breathe.
Now trust
that as you exhale,
there will be more air
on the other side
of your emptiness.
That’s faith.
Faith is as easy as breathing.

I Need to Be Patient

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I need to be patient with this process.
I was in the victim story
for a lot longer than the story
of my empowerment.
I believed he shouldn’t have left me
for a lot longer than I realized he should.
My pain is older than the loss of this marriage,
my abandonment, my grief, my heartache
much older than that moment
one year and one month ago
when he dropped the bomb
on the life I thought I knew.
And he is gone.
He has been gone for a while,
and he won’t be coming back.
And so now it is my task
to turn toward myself
and sit with the aching little girl
who clamors for my attention.
She cries out in anger and despair
because I haven’t been there for her,
so taken was I
with the telling of my sad, sad story.
I need to be patient with this process.
Taking ownership of one’s pain
is something that many people
will never realize they can do
let alone go ahead and do
once they realize they can.
I am making this choice.
I feel alone in it.
But that’s just because
no one I know personally
has made such a choice before.
Surely, though,
there are beloveds out there,
kindreds, who just like me
want to evolve until the day they die,
sweethearts who want to own their pain
so that they have the space,
the depth
and the presence
to own their joy.

Repeat

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And then I asked myself
What if I chose to own all of my power?
What would that feel like?
How would I move, breathe,
think, speak and act
inside the awareness
that I was standing fully in my power?
I couldn’t answer the question
from experience,
so I imagined what it would feel like.
Magical.
Exciting.
Dream like.
Unbelievable.
Satisfying.
Amazing.
Hmm, I said to myself,
maybe this would be even better
than I can imagine right now…
What would it take to act as if
I had fully owned my power?
Stand tall.
Breathe deeply.
Move with confidence.
Speak clearly.
Know what I want.
Forgive and move on.
Give thanks.
Celebrate.
Connect.
Share.
Integrate.

Repeat.