Tag Archives: control

Closer to Peace

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Healing isn’t linear.
As much as we want it to be,
as much as we want to control this process,
there comes a moment
when we need to submit,
surrender to the Divine Will,
and let go into the inevitable.
There is no neat line to walk on,
only spirals and curves
and portals to different dimensions…
quantum realities,
awaiting our observation,
our awakening.
I’ve discovered
that trying to control
leads to more struggle,
but breathing,
accepting where I am now,
and praying earnestly
brings me closer to peace.
If you are suffering in this moment,
this is my wish for you:
That you breathe,
accept where you are now,
and pray to your Higher Power
with an earnest heart,
that you may be brought
closer to peace.

Humble Prayers For Help

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Help us, God,
help us to let go
and surrender into
your love.
Help this one,
this control freak,
to recognize
she has no control.
Let her breathe and relax.
Help this one,
this workaholic,
remember
that he will one day die.
Let him stop and be with his family.
Help this beautiful child
recognize her greatness
and help this precious one
value his many gifts.
Give us strength to become
all we were born to be.
Make us all new in your love.
Show us how to trust in you and your ways.
We’re tired of trying so hard
to figure this out.
We just want to know your rhythm,
your melody and harmony,
your accompaniment, chorus,
verse and refrain.
Thank you God
for helping us…again.

From This Vantage Point

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As I got caught up in another wave
of disappointment, frustration and
misbelief at his lack of consideration,
a voice whispered to me
There is another way.
Suddenly I zoomed out
and looked in on my life
from another vantage point.
I saw myself trying to control
that which cannot be controlled.
I saw myself operating within
an outworn paradigm.
The voice said
What you are being asked to let go of
is nothing in comparison to what will come
when you make the space to receive it.
From this vantage point
all of my life’s events have unfolded
for my highest good
always, without exception.
From this vantage point,
it’s all good.
From this vantage point
I can feel grateful, peaceful,
at ease.
From this vantage point
I love my life and the woman I’ve become.
I think I’ll stay here and keep viewing my life
from this vantage point.

NaPoWriMo 2018, Day 20: Divine Rebel

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Today’s prompt asks us to incorporate the theme of rebellion into our poem. Okey dokey!

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It was spring of 2017
and I was experiencing
the most generative period of my life
in terms of my art, writing, music, teaching,
and visioning.
My spiritual practices were taking me to new heights,
and I grew excited thinking
about the adventures to come.
I had struck such a good balance
of work, mothering, marriage, and self time
that I weaned myself off antidepressants.
A week after I was completely off my meds,
he dropped the bomb.
I’m done.  We’re just not good together.
I’ll always be grateful for the children.
You can’t change my mind.
As I attempted to make sense of his choice,
I realized that he simply couldn’t handle
the woman I was,
and the woman I was becoming.
He told me I wrote too much,
meditated too much,
made too much jun and kombucha.
I sewed too much,
knitted too much,
made too much art,
wasted my time
in frivolous pursuits.
In essence, I was too much,
and the things I did
made him uncomfortable.
He wanted me to shrink.
To stop making art,
to stop writing.
He wanted me to stuff myself
into the role of perfect housewife,
keep the house clean,
the floors scrubbed,
meals made.
Luckily for me,
my parents raised me
to know who I am
and to honor the voice inside,
the One Who Knows the Truth.
She rose up in my defense.
She refused to let me be put down.
She said, Go girl!  Make your art!
Write your words!
Sew!
Knit!
Run to the woods!
Be wild and free!
I listened to her.
I stayed true to myself.
This divorce has been one hell of a rocky ride,
and it continues to push me to the last edge of sanity.
I have moments of doubt and fear.
I still grieve the loss of my husband,
our closeness, our friendship
(or what I thought was friendship anyway).
BUT…
One thing is for sure:
this world would be a far less interesting place
if I hadn’t let the Divine Rebel
save my soul.

Mine Alone

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Sitting here wondering why.
I managed to find a safe space within myself
and then he pulls the rug out again.
And now I’m falling again,
and the floor opens up,
and the earth opens up,
and I fall clear to the other side
into space.
And I’m free falling again.
When will the ground hold?
When will my safe space
extend to a place outside of myself,
a space where he can’t bother me,
a space that’s mine
and mine alone?

Lucid Dream: An Ocean of Stars

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In the early morning
just before dawn
I had a lucid dream.
My body still asleep,
my mind became alert
that the reality I was experiencing
was, in fact, a dream.
I was facing a dark parking lot
standing on a narrow path
with the woods behind me,
and it struck me how creepy it was
to be there, just standing there
in the dark night alone.
And then I dropped something
(was it my keys??)
and I began searching in the plants
beside the path for whatever it was
I thought I had lost.
Suddenly, I realized,
I’m dreaming! There is no reason
for me to be here in a dark parking lot
at night by myself.
And then came the feeling of excitement
and the exhilaration that rises up
whenever I realize I’m awake
within my dream,
because now I’m capable of anything,
I can go anywhere,
I can have anything,
I can see everything,
the only limit is my imagination.
At such times
I usually choose to fly
just to verify
that I am in fact dreaming.
So I felt my body rising up
toward the sky.
And I had this felt sense
that I had tried so many times
to be in control of this sort of experience,
wanting to master the art of flying,
to be strong and capable,
taking myself wherever I wanted,
but now…
Now I wanted to surrender.
I wanted to surrender to God.
And so I let myself be buoyed up,
up, up, up,
until I was high in the sky
close to the stars,
and it was this feeling of being held
softly, gently,
of floating in this vast ocean of stars
and it felt so good and so right
to just let myself be held.
I awoke then,
but the feeling has stayed with me,
and this image of being held
by a gentle, unseen, immense force—
floating in an ocean of stars.