Tag Archives: conversations with God

Choose To Keep Living

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Dear God,
Haven’t I suffered enough,
Or do you want to break me even more?
I feel like I’m already mostly dead.
Do you want me to die all the way?
I am a ghost in a body struggling to live
and it feels like a burden to eat.
And yet I must feed this body,
because there are two children
relying on me to be here for them…
and they deserve a living, breathing mother
who can help smooth their way through
this rocky journey of life.
Is enduring this pain the sacrifice I must make?
Is this torture of terror, uncertainty and homelessness
the very thing that’s making me strong
and ready to change?
But how can I change
when I lack the energy
to meet my most basic of needs?
When it feels like a burden to be alive,
how do I choose to keep living?

I Can Do That

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I want to trust you, God.
You can.
But how do I trust you? I’m scared.
I can’t see you, and I’m so down
I don’t even know if you’re real.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Repeat after me:
All is well.
Seriously? Is that all?
Can you trust that you will have air to breathe?
Yes.
Can you trust that you will have water to drink?
Yes.
Can you trust that you will have food to eat?
Yes.
Can you trust that you will have a roof over your head?
Yes.
Then you are doing just fine.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Repeat after me:
All is well.
Yes. I can do that.
Thank you.

I Think I Can

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Resisting the broken places
won’t heal them;
they’ll only get louder and more broken.
But how to love what hurts?
How to accept that these feelings are here
to be embraced as they’ve never been before?*
You must trust.
But how do I trust
when all evidence points to
nothing trustworthy in the universe?
You must have faith.
But how do I have faith
when it feels like
I’ve been brought to the pit of hell
and abandoned there?
You must love.
But how do I love
when all I feel is anger, sadness, and loneliness?
You must breathe.
Okay.
I think I can do that.

 

 

*An idea from Matt Kahn’s book, Whatever Arises, LOVE That

Suddenly I Remember

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I keep thinking
I’m not doing enough.
I should be go-getting,
job-hunting, interviewing
CV revising, buckling down,
buttoning up,
preparing myself
for the world of work.
My heart sinks to think
of losing time with my kids,
of giving my time to something
that saps my energy
to have the funds
to make ends meet.
I get caught up
in a whirlwind of thoughts.
I pray to God.
God says, BREATHE.
Suddenly I remember
panicky thoughts
never got me anywhere.
Suddenly I remember
It’s going to be okay.

Called to Serve

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Thinking about expanding my offerings,
wanting to reach out, help out more,
and asking…
Whom do I feel called to serve?
The answer is…Everyone.
All beings.
The Earth.
Forests.
Animals.
Moms who are hard on themselves.
Children.
People who long to express themselves creatively
but who feel too scared..
People who want to escape the daily grind
but don’t know how…
Those who are suicidal
Those who are self-critical
Those who long to be free
of the constraints that were handed to them.
I feel called to serve everyone.
So now I ask
God, how do I navigate this?
How do I answer this calling?
And God says
Just keep breathing.
It will all be clear soon enough.
For now, do your practices;
breathe deeply. Trust. Have faith.
You are on the right track.