It changes quickly.
(It always does.)
A good night of sleep
or a solid meal
and the demons
that seemed so ferocious
dissipate back into wisps of ether,
and I’m left wondering
what I got so worked up about.
And so it goes,
the cyclical nature
of weather and emotions
and time and libidos…
and all I can do
is try to slow down
my own thinking
take a deep breath,
all is well.
I have found that my journals help to reveal the cyclical nature of things. They have been a source of great comfort to me, as I see that the struggles I’m having now are the same ones I had when I was 20. Different characters, different contexts, but same feelings: fear, anxiety, depression, powerlessness, loneliness, transmuted into courage, confidence, joy, empowerment, connection. Cycling endlessly, for all time.
How about when you finally
take a stand for the truth inside yourself?
When you decide that you’d rather spread joy
than bring pain,
and you’d live as the being you are
rather than the person someone told you
you should be…
how does that feel?
Could you drop the old beliefs
as gracefully as a tree lets go of leaves
and make room for your heart’s desires?
Tree, could you draw your sap
all the way inside to center,
look deeper, and ask for a revelation?
As you stand cold and naked in the darkness,
waiting for the light and warmth
of the rebirth,
What were the seeds you sowed,
and how was your harvest?
Which seeds have you saved
for the plantings in the spring?
And can you turn inwards now fearlessly,
embracing the self that remains
when the old, dry and useless fall away?
Don’t be afraid if you are asked to let go
of someone you presently hold dear to your heart.
Do you grieve the setting sun
knowing that it will rise again at day break?
Do you mourn the loss of summer
as autumn leaves begin to fall?
Do you regret the waves flowing their way
back to the ocean
even though in the next instant
they crash again upon the shore?
Everything in this life
has a beginning, a middle, and an end.
Letting go gracefully
makes the space to receive
the many delights life wants to bring you
if only you are open to receiving them.
Even in the midst of death,
there is so much life.
When a loved one leaves us,
we remember how precious life is,
how fleeting our presence here.
I keep asking myself
what I’ll do with my time.
My body, still young and able,
can dance and run
and stand in tree pose.
My elders show me
what is yet to come
and their frail forms
Your body will change too.
I am thankful
for the turning of the seasons
and the cycles of life.
There is beauty everywhere
if only we can open our eyes
and see it.
When we can sit with both the sadness and the joy
acknowledging their place in this great big world
we can find the balance
to do what needs to be done every day–
live and die
with the same perfect timing
as the setting and the rising sun.
try not to emphasize one over the other,
but let them come
as raindrops come
or gusts of wind
or rays of sunlight…
this natural part of being human,
this simple fact of being alive.