Tag Archives: darkness

The Path is Dark and Lonely

Standard

I want to trust the process of becoming
but the path is dark and lonely
and I can’t see two feet ahead of me.
I’m floundering through a forest of pain,
shadows everywhere, loud sounds,
danger, chaos…
and it’s all in my head.
I look up and look around.
I’m in a room,
it’s a bright sunny day,
no danger.
But the night is approaching swiftly,
and this is when the painful thoughts
have the most power over me.
I want to trust this process of becoming
but the path is dark and lonely
and I can’t see two feet head of me.

Depression Sucks

Standard

I thought it would get better by morning.
It didn’t.
If anything it was worse.
After getting the kids on the bus,
I got back in bed,
hoping to sleep off
some of the depression and anxiety.
I got up a while later;
my body was hungry.
Made myself a protein shake,
went back to bed.
Then the guilt and the shame arrived.
You should be working.
You should be making money.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You’re a piece of shit.
That didn’t help either;
it just made it worse.
You know what?
Depression really, really sucks.

Let Myself Go

Standard

I curl inside myself
even tighter
than I ever have before.
It is dark, uncomfortable,
lonely,
far away from everyone.
It should feel safe
but it doesn’t.
This isn’t a fearless navigation
of unknown territory…
it’s staying stuck in one place,
terrified, confused.
I can’t remember
why I’m so scared
or what got me here
in the first place.
I’d like to get out
if only I’d let myself go.

The Only Answer is Light

Standard

Equinox
equal night
a balance of the dark and light
the tipping point
for turning inwards
rooting down
and letting go.
I practice releasing
as willingly as the trees
let fly their leaves
to make way
for the long winter.
I ask for a revelation from spirit:
Who am I really?
What do I want?
What do I need?
I look at nature
and I look again,
taking her cue to heart.
I discover
that after so much darkness
the only answer is light.

Real Life Keeps Going On

Standard

In a downward spiral,
feeling awful,
feeling unloved, unseen,
unheard.
And this is all a sign
that I have abandoned myself,
that I need to turn toward myself,
and find out what core wound
I’m believing right now.
But it’s so goddamned much work,
and I feel tired to the bone.
No one ever told me
that it would be this painful
to awaken, evolve, and overcome.
I long so deeply for resolution;
there is none in sight.
It’s only me here
with my two children, hungry, bickering,
as real life just keeps going on.