What will take away the rage, the fatigue, the sheer exhaustion? What will make all of this seem ok, so that I can get up and do this again (and again and again and again and again)? How many days like this until it won’t be like this anymore? Tonight, I feel solidarity will all single parents everywhere who just want some help, because it all feels like too much.
I fell out of the loop for a moment, caught in a swirl of perfectionism. Suddenly I remembered that it’s not about being perfect, it’s about showing up authentically in the perfection of this moment… and so I came back.
Spirit: Time to get up and meditate. Mind: Nope. I wanna sleep in. Spirit: Time to get up and meditate. Mind (whining): But I wanna just be comfyyyyyyy. Spirit: Get up and meditate. Now. Body (silently) gets up, gets dressed, goes downstairs and meditates. Takeaway: Spirit always wins, thanks to discipline.
I commit to awakening to my true self for the benefit of all beings. I see the immeasurable value in this. And I believe that my awakening is possible in this very moment, because it is the will of the Universe.
Dear God, Thank you for this day. Thank you for waking me up again. Thank you for giving me strength to make it through, even when I’m tired, sick, and all I want to do is rest. Thank you for helping me to be the most loving mom I can be to my kids, for tending to their needs joyfully, patiently, and with gratitude that I was blessed with children (even when sometimes I wish I weren’t!). Thank you for cleansing my heart of envy when I see husbands taking care of their wives with love in their eyes. Help me to embrace my loneliness, so that if it is your will one day, I might celebrate partnership again.