Tag Archives: emotions

Eventually

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Just keep peeling back the layers.
As much as it hurts,
as scary as it is,
keep peeling back
the rage, fear,
betrayal, abandonment,
loss, loneliness,
heartbreak, resentment,
anxiety, and sadness.
Eventually
you’ll start to see the luminous being
waiting for you underneath all those layers.
Eventually
you’ll come to realize who you really are
and why you’re really here.
Eventually you’ll understand
that the being you’ve uncovered
is the one you’ve been wanting all along.

NaPoWriMo 2018, Day 14: Dreaming of Seagulls

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In today’s prompt we’re asked to create a dream dictionary-esque interpretation of one or more of the words in this list:

Teacup

Hammer

Seagull

Ballet slipper

Shark

Wobbly table

Dentist

Rowboat

I went with “seagull”. I’m a nature girl, and everything else besides “shark” is something manmade, and didn’t really make my heart leap up and want to crank out a poem.  But seagulls are beautiful.  So I’m going with “seagull”.

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If you dream about seagulls, pay attention:
your psyche is speaking to you and
wants to tell you something.
If the seagull is floating on the surface of the water,
you are content to stay on the surface of consciousness.
Maybe it is time to stick your head under
and take a peek at the depths.
If the seagull is flying above the ocean,
you have broken free of limiting emotions.
Enjoy your new freedom!
If the seagull has become caught in a storm,
look for where in your life you might
be ignoring currents of feeling;
if you don’t address them, they will find you
and create noise and chaos until you do.
If the bird is with other seagulls,
you might consider exploring
a way to process your emotions
within a group setting.
If it cries, it’s time to speak up
about your feelings.
And if it’s eating from
a discarded carton of French fries
in a strip mall parking lot,
it’s time to clear away the litter in your life
and give yourself more healthy nourishment.
Squawk! Squawk!

 

NaPoWriMo 2018, Day 10: Deeper At Play

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Today’s prompt is about simultaneity.  I can handle that! I can handle this moment,
even if I do need a nap.

When I’m tired, hungry,
wanting to be held, heard and seen,
and my kids are tired, hungry,
pushing for TV time
and I Just want to be a good mom
and redirect them,
When it’s spring but it still feels like winter…
when I’ve committed to myself
to not be sad about him anymore
and when the sadness comes anyway
and threatens to engulf me,
when I’m tired writing this poem
but too stubborn to miss a day,
That’s how I know
there is something deeper at play here.

NaPoWriMo 2018 Day 4: Peace Is More Important

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Today’s prompt encourages us to write about something abstract and personalize it by adding details. As I sit down to write I realize I’m very tired and I wonder if I’ll have the energy to write a poem at all.  That’s where I am!

Exhaustion
is nine months of living hell
with a husband who gave up.
Fatigue is my 98 pound body,
the thinnest it has been since high school.
Hopelessness is waking up (again)
in the middle of the night
drenched in sweat, wanting sleep.
Grief is realizing
he may never apologize
for destroying what we once were.
Acceptance is setting down the heavy burden
of righteous anger
because peace is more important.

NaPoWriMo 2018 Day 3: What’s On the Menu

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I’m getting a late start to the NaPoWriMo prompts.  You could say I’ve been bit distracted of late, you know, what with going through a messy divorce and my husband finally deciding to leave the house and everything. But, better late than never as they say.  Today’s prompt is to write a list poem with names we’ve made up. Some examples given were band names, romance novel titles, and ideas for TV cop dramas.  I’m going to try out names for unnameable mixtures of emotions that I’ve had to eat and eat and eat because that’s been my reality for nine months.  Also, that I haven’t been able to eat much real food for months and that my weight has plummeted makes the food theme even more apropos…

What’s On the Menu

Hopeless-weariness-grief sandwich
Guilt shame pain blame regret soup with caramelized judgment
Saving self saving grace saving kids special sauce
Resistance depression darkness divorcee’s doubt pudding
Extramarital affair discovery baked with ragey cagey compote
Humor relief lightness super crunchy trail mix
Wanting more wanting out always wanting fizzy punch
Revelation with a twist of salvation salad accompanied by a side of tangy WTF?
Blanket idealism ice cream and
unapologetically innocent optimism pie for dessert
Self-help book junkie dharma debt digestif—scorches and soothes simultaneously
and for the heartburn…
Rollercoaster searching spicy spiral spiritual medicine
in the form of pleasure pills, tranquility tea, and intuition injections.
Baby we ain’t got no brakes,
so buckle up and tie your napkin around your neck.
Who’s hungry?

Who Am I?

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Still hurting.
When will it stop?
Angry. Hurt. Lonely.
Tired. Overwhelmed. Triggered.
He’s finally moving out,
wanting to sort through
our years of life together,
our stuff.
I’m on edge.
I’m a caged animal,
hot, blinded with rage,
teeth bared, screaming,
throwing myself against
the bars of the cage,
hurting from the impact.
My thoughts are the cage.
My pain is the animal.
But who am I?

Back Home to Joy

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Don’t hide your pain,
especially from yourself.
Pain hidden from yourself
gets blamed on others.
Be brave, warrior,
and look deep inside.
The pain is just another facet
of the deep and abiding joy
that is who you really are.
To experience this deep joy,
you must navigate through
your own pain.
Sit still, breathe,
pay attention to your body—
it has much to tell you.
Breathe a little more,
let it reach deeper into you.
Tune into all of it,
feel all of it,
the grief, the anger, the sadness,
the resentment, the disappointment—
whatever it is, it is showing you the way
back home to your joy.